


Lab Partners

by sinsajo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Highschool AU, M/M, and have weird headcanons, in which i chose a dumb prompt, in which side character's relationships are more complex, side characters get love anyways, than the protagonists', this one is basically only Tavros and Gamzee tho, vegan tavros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 05:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2456555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinsajo/pseuds/sinsajo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tavros is completely against animal cruelty, and refuses to do a science experiment. Good thing Gamzee steps up when he seems to be unable to get through his little rebellion.<br/>--------<br/>A gamtav human!stuck AU, in which I attempt to be funny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Frogs are alive

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY the 30 day dark otp challenge is way too dark for me, too many kinks, and I just need something way lighter. Here it is.  
> tw for cut up frogs??

You hate this sort of situation. You hate being in a class in which none of your friends are at. You were lucky enough this year to have most classes with Aradia, and the rest with Nepeta, so you weren't exactly alone in any other class besides Science Class. But it was in this very same class that you usually had to pick a partner to do the experiments with. And you have no friends here.

You had to endure 2 experiments already in which the teacher pronounced the so dreaded words "pick a lab partner" in which you were able to just look around awkwardly, hoping someone else would notice you, and happily wish to pair up with you. You never had such luck though, and the teacher usually had to speak up and ask if anyone didn't already have a lab partner, and told them to pair up with you. It wasn’t a fun thing to live through. Everyone in the classroom would go quiet and stare at you, maybe not with malice, but with curiosity for who was the kid with no friends in class. You knew it wasn't such a big deal. You still couldn't help the way your cheeks burned and your stomach churned with embarrassment. Damn school. Fuck experiments and lab partners.

You are torn out of your fleeting troubled thoughts by the teacher's voice, and you get as ready as ever to start feeling uneasy after his death sentence.

"Alright class, please be quiet. _Be quiet_." He lifts his arms in the air with a deep frown, eyeing the group of kids in the back that apparently didn't want to shut up. They did so immediately after one of them noticed the death glare. "Miss Peixes will hand out the worksheets as soon as you switch seats and are ready to go." He takes a look around the classroom as if he is deep in thought, eyes slightly squinted, and he finally continues giving directions. "I will be pairing you up this time." You raise your eyebrows in surprise just as the rest of the class groaned in disagreement. He begins to speak louder to be heard over the whining. "You guys were incredibly loud last week, and you barely even finished the lab and followed instructions. I don't want that to be a recurring thing, so I will choose who you will be working with." He says with a final tone, and everyone becomes quiet as they wait for their names to be called, none too happy with the decision.

The teacher walks back to his desk and picks up a sheet of paper, reading the names fleetingly before starting to call out names, his eyes raising from the paper from time to time to look at the students over his glasses.

You feel relieved and anxious at the same time. You don’t have to stand awkwardly while you wait for someone to notice you, but then again you _did_ have to possibly endure a butt hurt kid that would look at you funny while they whined that they wanted to go back to sitting with their friends, instead of a lame loser like you.

You almost miss your name being called as you stressed over this issue, and when you lift your head up to look at the teacher, you realize he had already said your partner's name as well, and you immediately freak out. You didn't hear a thing, and now you don’t know who it was, you don't know if you have to stand up and go to their desk, you don't know-

"What's up, motherfucker." You almost jump as someone plops down on the seat right next to yours carelessly. You turn your head to see who it is, and you come face to face with a dude that sat at the very back of the classroom. You don't really know the guy in person yet, but you know his name, Gamzee Makara, and his so popular nickname, the juggalo stoner. He obviously doesn’t go by that nickname. Not that he cares much what people thinks of him, or what they say behind his back.

"Oh, um, hi." You say, and hesitantly stretch out a hand to him to shake his. You wonder if that was a weird thing to do from the way he looked at it for a second, as if he suddenly didn't know what to do with it. But he eventually grinned quite stupidly and took your hand in his, lazily shaking it up and down before letting go. "You're, Gamzee, right?" You ask despite knowing it for certain.

"That's the name, brother." He chuckles quietly before lifting his eyes to receive a sheet of paper that Feferi held out to him.

"I'm Tavros." You provide, and try to take a peek at the worksheet in his hands.

"I know." He says simply, and smiles at you as he cocks his head.

"Okay. Can I, see that?" you take the paper from his hand as he lets it go, and you begin to read the instructions for the lab in concentration. Your face becomes a true representation of horror when you read just what the lab is about. _You both have to dissect a frog_.

Did the teacher even mention that before the class started? Did he even warn his students? You are certain he did not. You would have told him there was _no fucking way_ you would ever agree to participate in such a thing. You take a big breath as you try to calm yourself, and you let the paper down. Gamzee takes it back right away, and you watch him slowly raise a bushy eyebrow at the thing. He speaks shortly after.

"Hey, bro..." He begins, and turns the paper in his hands to check the back before scanning the front again. "Is this shit trying to say we gotta go all up and take a fucking look at some little frog's guts?" You almost gag. That was a nice way to put it.

"I'm, pretty sure, that's exactly what we are, uh, supposed to do..." You tell him with a worried expression to give him the message you are _so_ not down with the idea.

"Well, fuck." He huffs out a humorless laugh and looks at you with a frown. "That shit ain't cool." He looks serious. You don't think you have ever seen this guy even try to feign a serious expression. You nod in agreement before you notice someone is by your desk once again, and you see Feferi place a jar with a frog inside it on your table.

The little animal is looking at you. The little animal is alive. You purse your lips as you hear another person leave a metallic tray with some surgical instruments on your desk before walking away.

"Hey little fucker!" Gamzee takes the jar from you and lifts it up to his face, his long nose almost pressing against the glass. "Fucking cute." You swallow thickly. You see the teacher stand in front of the class and hear him clear his throat. You lift a hand in the air to call his attention. He ignores it as he begins to speak.

"Very well." You keep your hand up in the air, hearing as Gamzee cooed at the little thing, hearing it croak quietly in response. The teacher began to give some extra instructions before finally giving in to your insistent hand. "Mr Nitram, all questions after I finish giving instructions." He says, and without another glance in your direction, continues to speak. You lower your hand and look at Gamzee.

"I can't do it." You inform him, and he looks puzzled for a moment as he tears his eyes away from the jar in front of his face. He seems to understand after a few seconds. "It's a... living thing..." You continue. "I can't." He nods before turning his eyes to the jar again. You want to add some sort of passionate speech about you being vegan and this whole experiment going against everything you believe in and how terribly awful the whole idea of killing an animal in class is, but you refrain from doing so. Not that you have it in you to start ranting to a stranger. You aren't one to rant too much at all, actually.

"I'm not down with this shit either. Fuck this, man, this little motherfucker had done no wrong at no one, shit ain't any kind of fair." He frowns deeply as he shakes his head, and leaves the frog on the table to cross his arms.

You hear the teacher tell the class to start, and the sound of light chatter begins to fill the room, the noise of a jar opening and metallic utensils coming from all directions. You cover your face with your hands. Those poor animals. There's no way you can stop your classmates from doing the experiment. You can hear some of them even laughing excitedly at the prospect of seeing some frog's insides. You hear Gamzee start tapping the glass and say 'hi' to the amphibian yet again.

You hear some more laughter coming from a table close by. You hear a kid talk about how he wanted to see the lungs. You feel so sick. You suddenly feel a bony hand grasp your shoulder, and you uncover your face to look at Gamzee.

"You feelin' alright?" You shake your head. "Damn." He purses his lips for a moment, and then he raises his voice to speak. "Mr. Ampora!" You see him lift an arm in the air to call the teacher's attention as if his loud voice hadn't interrupted enough. The teacher groans in annoyment from his desk, and you aren’t exactly sure why.  "Me and my bro here don't wanna do this shit." You gulp and wish you could hide under the desk.

"Mr. Makara." There is a serious warning tone in his voice. "Language."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You can feel everyone staring at you and Gamzee now. Your ears are getting uncomfortably hot. The teacher is nodding now, apparently letting Gamzee off the hook with the cursing. Probably only this time. You hope he can control his mouth with his next words.

"Can you explain now, please?" Gamzee seems to think his words through for a second before elaborating.

"Me and my bro here, Tavros, don't wanna go and cut up this little... dude. That's all kinds of sick."

"...I see."

"I mean look at him!" He lifts the jar a little higher and points a finger at it, moving the frog just a little in his hands. "He ain't hurting nobody. Why do we gotta hurt _him_?"

"We are doing an experiment." He says simply.

"No, no, this ain't cool, I ain't about to touch this frog for anything else besides some wicked petting or some sh- stuff." Gamzee is lowering the jar to the table when he suddenly loosens his grip on it by accident. You gasp when the jar falls flat on the table and rolls over the surface before crashing down on the floor.

"Holy fucking shit!" You cover your face with your hands again, this time out of profound embarrassment. Why.

"Mr. Makara!" Now you hear everyone laughing at the show, your eyes closed tightly behind your palms, and you feel as Gamzee moves the table to stand up and probably try to catch the frog. You hear more laughter.

"Sorr- Fuck!" You lower your hands to take a peek at what he is doing, and you see him shove a finger in his mouth and suck on it. You doubt the frog bit him. You are pretty sure he just cut his finger with the glass.

"God, Gamzee." You say as you stand up to help him, almost squeaking when you see the frog jumping towards you, afraid that you would step on it and kill it. You turn your head to watch it run away, and the table nearby catches your eye. There is an already dead frog sliced up on the table. You try to suppress a gag as you bend over yourself, clasping a hand over your mouth.

"Mr. Makara..." You hear the teacher try to control his tone of voice.

"Where'd it go?" Gamzee takes his index out of his mouth and looks around the floor before trying to stand up.

"To the principal's office. Now."

"Wait, wait, I got this." He quickly walks past the desk in the direction he had seen the frog jump towards.

"I said now!" He barks this time. Gamzee groans in what could be annoyance, and you gag loudly when you become stupid enough to take another glance at the horrible murder table. "And take Mr. Nitram to the infirmary." He adds with a tinge of amusement in his voice, and you soon feel Gamzee wrap an arm around your shoulders and begin you walk you out the classroom, laughter beginning to grow even louder all around you.

When you are finally out of the classroom and the door closes behind you, Gamzee leans you against the wall and holds your face in his hands.

"You alright, motherfucker?" He asks, violating your personal space without even flinching, and you nod vigorously just to get him to back away.

"Yes." He breathes out a soft laugh that tickles your own mouth and lets you go.

"Sorry. Shit got kinda crazy in there." You swallow hard, both thanks to the nervousness his closeness made you feel, and because you still feel like you could puke right this very second.

"You don't look okay, though." He adds after taking another look at you, and begins to walk in the direction of the infirmary. "Come on, bro." You nod and hesitantly begin to follow him, hearing your teacher start to scold his students to get them to shut up already.

You find the way to the infirmary to be excruciatingly long, and once you are there, the nurse quickly makes you sit on a bed and lay down, telling you to stay still and not move your head. Gamzee leans on the door frame, watching you before the nurse tells him to either get out or actually get inside. He chooses the latter of course, and sits on the bed carefully to avoid moving you. The nurse soon places a cold and moist towel on your forehead, and you close your eyes while you will the nausea to go away. You breathe in deeply, exhale deeply, and repeat.

"What happened?" She asks after a moment, directing the question at Gamzee as she leaned on the wall with her arms crossed. Gamzee spoke for you.

"Had to get ourselves out of science class. We had to..." You open your eyes to look at him just as he ran his thumb across his neck in a slicing motion. "A frog." You close your eyes back again and try to think of something else.

"Aw..." She sounds equally amused and sympathetic. She soon moves from the wall and takes a seat on a desk not far from the bed you're at, and you hear her begin to hit a keyboard with her fingers; for some reason you guess she isn't working. You guess she doesn't have much to do around here anyways.

You feel Gamzee's hand find yours and you open your eyes with a frown to look at him, but you don't pull your hand away. You don't really want to move a muscle anyways in fear of the nausea getting worse.

"You got long nails." He observes with a smile, and runs the pad of his thumb over all your nails. You can't help but chuckle lightly. You like to keep your nails longer than most guys, but no one really ever points it out.

"I do." You confirm the obvious and feel his hand linger there for a second more before pulling away. You want to say he's probably a little touchy, but you don't want to judge him yet. It's not like you mind touchy people anyways.

You sigh deeply and let your eyelids close again, and you try to relax as much as you can, feeling the nausea start to dissipate.

He seems to remember he had a little cut on his finger, and asks the nurse if she has any bandaids.

You don't even notice when you start to fall asleep and Gamzee gets off the bed, probably to face the consequences of his foul language. If he even intends to follow the teacher's orders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are so appreciated you don't even know


	2. Lunch Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gamzee is friendly for a change. Haha. That's sarcasm.

You hadn't really noticed he was in most of your classes before. Which is the reason why you frowned in confusion when he tapped your shoulder from behind as you sat down on your usual desk in math class, making you turn your head around to look at him. You were sure it was another guy who sat right behind you. A John maybe? You were 100% certain it wasn't this Gamzee dude, if he even actually had this class with you. And you were 100% wrong.

"Hey motherfucker, how's your stomach all up and feeling now?" You take a good look at him as you lick your chapped lips. His strange clown makeup looks neater than yesterday. You think he probably just put it on a few hours ago, considering it is barely 9 AM.

"I'm, feeling great, actually. Um, thank you for, taking me to the nurse, yesterday. And... sort of, help me with the lab thing...” You say with a smile, making sure he got the message that you were actually very thankful for it. He hadn’t laughed at you after all, like all the other students. You think it's mainly because he was the one being made fun of, mostly. He smiled at you as a 'you're welcome'. “I also, spoke to the teacher before class, Mr Ampora, that is. And he said he wouldn't give us an F for not participating..." He starts to nod as you finish speaking, raising both of his dark eyebrows.

"Fucking wicked news, bro!" You chuckle at how truly relieved he looks. "Can't afford another bad grade in science. I'm barely passing that blasphemous class."

"Uh… Really? But, we have been in school for, barely two months..." You see him nod with a chuckle.

"Yeah."

 "I mean, you still have, a pretty good chance at actually passing the class, if you, uh, study... I guess." You shrug and he looks like he is giving it some thought before shaking his head and waving a hand at you, dismissing the idea completely. He doesn't say anything else after that. "Uh..." You change the subject to the class you are actually at right now. "Did you do, your homework?" You ask just to avoid the uncomfortable silence you thought might take over, and he frowns slightly at your question before pursing his lips.

"Shit." He mutters as he looks at you, and soon begins to chuckle yet again. "You think he's gonna want to check that shit? Like, individually."

"He always does, so..."

"Goddamn." He frowns again before reaching for his backpack, picking it up from the floor and opening it after he put it on his lap. You notice it is basically empty and the dark purple cloth of it is pretty worn out, holes and stains visible all over it asides from the scattered writing with black sharpie that looks like it was done by more than one person. There are also a few dicks drawn on it. You want to laugh at it but he quickly drops it to the floor without any care for it and places his notebook on the table, a chewed up pencil in his left hand. He opens the notebook up and tries to find a certain page, which you guess is his undone homework. You notice there are a bunch of pages he skipped that were left unwritten. You notice there are a bunch of pages exclusively dedicated to drawings that you don't get a good enough look at as he flips through the pages like to judge if they are good or not. You decide to offer some help with the undone homework issue.

"You can, uh, copy my homework, by the way… If you want." You let him know, picking up your own notebook and waving it in front of you slightly. He lifts his eyes from the page, setting them on you, and grins widely after just a second.

"Fucking bitchtits." You have never let anyone copy your homework before, and you feel rather naughty when you hand him your pristine notebook, which you know is incredibly lame. You still bite your lips and look like a bad kid caught stealing the last and best cookie in the cookie jar, though. He doesn't notice obviously, being too busy trying to copy your work as fast as he could with his sloppy handwriting. He is done just as Aradia arrives to the classroom and sits beside you, and watches Gamzee give you back your notebook.

"Hello." She greets you two, giving Gamzee a smile. You can basically hear Gamzee smiling when he replies.

"Yo, sister."

 

* * *

 

You are walking out of English class with Nepeta when you spot him down the hall, taking something out of his locker. You didn't have the same class as him during that period, and you had been silently wondering if you had any more classes with him after lunch.

He spots you as you walk towards the cafeteria, and waves a hand at you before doing this weird jog thing towards you and Nepeta.

"Hey, I was gonna go all up and look for you, motherfucker." He says, and you try to not look so surprised. "Wanna have lunch with this here mother fucker and the gang?" You raise an eyebrow anyways, and look at Nepeta. Is he really asking you that? Yes he was. You had only started speaking yesterday and he seemed determined to befriend you, apparently. He was a really friendly person, to say the least. But you weren't sure if Nepeta was comfortable with the idea of having lunch with him and his "gang".

"Oh, yes! That would be most purrfect, Gamzee!" She answers for you as she claps her hands together, and you wonder in silence why you had no idea that she knew him.

"Fuck yeah, come right on and follow me." He begins to lead the way, not waiting for you to agree as well.

Turns out Nepeta knew him because he was friends with Terezi and Karkat, two people you knew she was pretty fond of, and you were acquainted with. She was kind enough to let you know this after you gave her a quizzical look as the clown walked ahead and led the way.

Once Gamzee stopped at a table, you were quick to speak before he invited you to take a seat.

“I, uh, will be right back. I have to look for someone, if that’s okay…” He nods and you turn back around, eyeing the cafeteria before spotting Aradia in the distance, sitting on your usual table with her tray on its surface while her own eyes searched for you and Nepeta. You made your way towards her and informed her the situation, and her smile widened when she took a look at the table you were pointing at. You knew her smile was due to the expectation of sitting close to a certain person that you knew she had been crushing on for quite some time. She stood up with her tray and followed you around, waiting for you to take your own tray with food before heading towards the new table.

When you got back to where Gamzee and Nepeta were at, you discovered that while Nepeta had saved a seat for Aradia, Gamzee had saved a seat for you right next to him. You took a seat almost in a hurry, and picked up your peanut butter and jelly sandwich straight away.

"We have new guests!" A girl you recognize to be Terezi spoke up after a few moments, turning her head in your direction. You knew she was blind from what Nepeta had told you, so that action was rather creepy.

"Way to state the obvious, Terezi." A chubby boy with an obnoxiously loud voice waved at you and Aradia, a mild frown present on his face, which made the friendly action not seem all that friendly after all. “Hi.”

"Hey what’s up? I'm Sollux, this asshole is Karkat, and she's Terezi." Sollux. You know he’s the guy Aradia has a crush on. He smiled to both of you before stuffing a fork inside his mouth, filled with salad. You take note that It was hard to not notice his heavy lisp.

"Uh, hi. I'm Tavros." You wave at the whole table with an unsure smile, and Aradia did the same, her smile as bright as ever.

"My name is Aradia." You knew Nepeta didn't need an introduction.

"So how come you guys are sitting here?" Sollux was the one to ask, stabbing some lettuce with his fork.

"Uh-"

"I all up and done thinking we could use some more company, so I asked this motherfucker if he wanted to tag along. Honk!" You chuckle briefly at the little addition at the end of the sentence, but kept quiet once you noticed it apparently was a usual thing, since no one else blinked an eye at it.

"Like this fucking table isn't filled with enough douchebags as it is."

"Watch your manners Karkles, you wouldn't want to scare them away that easily." Terezi ran her tongue over her braces before aiming it at Karkat and letting it wiggle in the air. You aren't entirely sure if that's weird or not.

"Close your fucking mouth, Terezi."

"No." She began to giggle as she slowly began to stand up, bending over the table in an attempt to get her face close to the guy sitting across from her, her tongue wiggling about restlessly.

"Stop it!" Karkat put a hand in her face and pushed her back into her seat, all the while Terezi kept on giggling.

"Sour puss." You couldn't avoid letting a giggle of your own escape your mouth, and Terezi, sitting on her chair again, stuck her tongue at you instead. Karkat shot you a glare for laughing, and you decide you probably shouldn't laugh again. At least not at him.

Terezi kept teasing Karkat over the table as Sollux began a conversation, Nepeta and Aradia being the ones to speak since you were much more interested in eating your lunch than in speaking. Gamzee seemed a little distracted before he apparently remembered he was at a lunch table and picked up his own sandwich to to eat it.

"You want some Faygo?" You turn your face to him as you keep on chewing.

"What?" You ask as he uncaps a beverage he had in his bony hands this whole time, the label reading just that: 'Faygo'.

"You want some?" He offers again, handing you the fizzling stuff anyways. The sweet scent of grapes reaches your nose as you bring it to your lips, and you take a nice swing of the stuff before handing it back with a chuckle.

"It tastes, very sweet."

"This blissful elixir is the best fucking shit in the world. A motherfucking miracle." He informs you with a proud nod as he lifts the bottle to his own lips, and you watch him chug down half of the bottle in only a few seconds. Damn. You wonder if his throat is burning from the bubbles. You hear him burp out the gas purposefully loud, and you begin to laugh just as you take a bite of your sandwich. Karkat interrupts his loud chatter with Terezi for a moment to yell at Gamzee and let him know just how "absolutely fucking disgusting" he is, and you just smile at the way Gamzee honks as a response a few times and winks at you playfully.

You both begin a conversation of your own, the main topic being yesterday’s frog incident. You both wonder if the little thing is okay. You both wonder if maybe it managed to escape and somehow got out of the school, and is now somewhere in the scarce grass around the area. You prefer to think so. Gamzee seems pretty positive that that is exactly what happened at least.

You haven't had this much fun during lunch since middle school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gamzee Makara aka Mr. I am SO mature.
> 
> comments are appreciated if you liked it! I like feedback. Who doesn't


	3. Don't Doubt Your Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juggalo etiquette /demands/ certain greetings when you see another ninja.

You start to spend so much time with Gamzee that you are tempted to start considering him your best friend. But you refrain from doing so, even after weeks of hanging out with him almost everyday, seeing as he constantly tells you Karkat is _his_ best friend. You try to not get bothered by that; he obviously isn't trying to make you feel bad on purpose. He never tries to consciously hurt your feelings, and you know it. You actually appreciate how nice he has been to you since you started talking, so you don't feel like you have the right to complain.

Right now he is being too nice.

"Bro, I don't got no idea why the fuck someone would go all up and drop such lies onto your motherfucking ears." Gamzee says with a surprisingly serious tone of voice that matches the frown on his face. "I bet your rapping is the most mother fucking miraculous thing that ever did take place in this world. I don't even need to listen to those ill beats to know you're one motherfucking dope ryda." He cracks a smile at you, probably to convince you that he is being honest. You really don't doubt he _is_ being 100% honest, even if he hasn't heard you rap in his life. You can't help but chuckle at that; his opinions on the matter are simply the nicest you have ever heard, not to mention absolutely sweet.

"That is, pretty much what I like to think, or at least, what I wish I could actually believe." You tell him with a shrug and a look to the side, your confidence wavering, and he responds by lifting a hand to your face to cup your cheek with it.

"Don't motherfucking doubt your own skills bro." He smiles lazily, his dopey half lidded eyes looking down at you as he rubs his thumb over your skin lightly. You are still not used to how touchy he is. You don't want to complain though, since the warm touch makes your skin tickle and feel very good, even if you tell yourself you're not interested in guys and the reaction is merely biological. You truly believe that. There's no doubt that can get through your head, regarding this issue.

You giggle and step away from his touch, and he simply lets his arm hang by his side again. "Aw man, now I got my craving going on for hearing some of those wicked rhymes of yours. Maybe you can check my own repertoire if we get any kind motherfucking chance." You lift your eyebrows, trying to pretend the thought doesn't make you _way_ too excited.

"That would be, uh, miraculous, as you would probably say..." You say with a chuckle, and bite down on your lips to stifle your smile. You are totally failing at feigning a normal amount of excitement. You briefly wonder how the topic of rapping hadn't been brought up earlier, seeing as apparently he loved it as much as you did.

"Honk!" He says obnoxiously loud, and you notice a few students turn their heads towards you and chuckle with what you guess is some kind of second hand embarrassment. "Bro, we can get our going to my place right the fuck now and get this shit done!" He doesn't wait for you to reply before picking up your backpack from the floor and starting to lead the way towards the exit of the school. You watch him walk away as you just stand there trying to think of a reason why you should decline the offer, but you realize you actually have nothing better to do, and it couldn't hurt to spend some time at a friend's house, especially since you haven't had the opportunity to hang out at his place under any pretext before. To be fair, he hasn’t visited your house either. You think your dad probably wouldn't mind you spending a few hours away from home after school, so you let another smile creep on your face as you begin to actually follow him, trying to match his quick pace. He has really damn long legs, and you are tempted to tell him to please slow down.

You both go through the heavy doors that lead outside, and he stops by the metallic rail of the stairs before letting your backpack and his own fall to the ground carelessly.

"Hold on motherfucker, I gotta get my wait on for my brother. He's got the car that’s gonna drive us home. Shit, this is gonna be all kind of wicked tits!" Brother. You had no idea he had a brother that went to the same school. You briefly wonder what he looks like, and wonder if he has the same thick, curly black hair that rules Gamzee's head. For some reason that's the part of his body you're usually caught up on when you think of him anyways. You then wonder if he also wears clown makeup, which you think is a possibility, but you aren't so sure.

Your questions are answered after only a few minutes of silently waiting.

Gamzee's face suddenly lights up, and he raises and arm in the air, looking behind you in the distance. "Whoop whoop!" He yells, and you make a funny face before fully turning around and seeing a tall, lanky guy approaching you two, a girl walking by his side and similarly strange makeup covering his long face. The girl strikes you as incredibly familiar for a reason you can't pin point yet. The other guy doesn't respond to Gamzee's greeting verbally, but instead raises both of his arms in the air with a smile, and points at Gamzee in a rather silly way.

"Hi Gamzee!" The girl, who is right in front of you now along with the guy, speaks in a voice so loud it seems as if Gamzee is several feet away instead of right in front of her. She then turns to look at you, and you quickly lift your hand to wave at her slightly, “Hi!”.

"Uh, hi..." You frown a little and lick your lips over, quickly trying to make out who she reminds you of.

"What's up sister?" Gamzee asks the girl and she stares at him for a moment, concentrated, before replying.

"Not much! What's your name?" She looks at you again, and opens her eyes a little bit wider as she turns her attention to your lips. Your face suddenly lights up once you finally remember who she is. You had only seen her once, and Nepeta never really talks about her, but you are pretty sure this girl is her sister.

"I’m, Tavros." She frowns a little after you speak, and looks at who you are now certain is Gamzee's brother. The guy quickly raises his hands in front of himself and begins moving them along with his fingers, and you suddenly realize she is deaf. That explains why she speaks so loud. She probably can't regulate her voice's volume, and prefers to speak loudly instead of speaking too low for anyone to hear. You think about asking Gamzee how she manages to be in classes later on, or maybe even Nepeta, since you're not sure if that's a rude thing to ask her right now.

"What a purrfectly cool name!" She replies to you, "Mine is Meulin! You know Kurloz yet? Are you Gamzee's furrend? Wait... You haven't..." She frowns deeply for a moment before smiling quite creepily at Gamzee. "Did you finally get a boyfriend?! OMG. O. M. G. I can’t believe this, hi!" You look at Gamzee straight away and see his eyes widen before he breaks out laughing, hitting Meulin's arm playfully. He looks at you then and smiles.

"That ain't playin' nice sister, don't wanna make my ninja here all uncomfortable and shit." You purse your lips, hoping the joke isn't actually on you seeing as you are the only one not laughing. Well, you and the guy who's name is apparently Kurloz, who actually just breathed out loudly through his nose and grinned. "He's just a bro." You see Meulin give him an sceptical look before nodding to herself. You do feel a little bit uncomfortable as Meulin looks at you with slightly squinted eyes, as if she is thinking hard about something. You are also unsure how you feel about the sentence ‘finally get a boyfriend’, since it had been directed at Gamzee, and he hadn’t quite answered the way you had expected him to for a moment. He didn’t complain that Meulin implied he was gay in the least of ways and had instead focused on denying you were his partner.

Kurloz waves a hand to call everyone's attention and begins to sign something that you obviously cannot understand, and Gamzee adds an "okay, okay" in reply before bending down and grabbing your backpack again, leading the way down the stairs and towards the almost now empty parking lot. "Come on bro, we gotta get our hurry on." You follow him, Kurloz and Meulin doing the same.

The ride towards Gamzee's house is loud, Meulin doing most of the talking (or yelling) as she showered you with questions since she has never met you before and seemed very interested in getting to know Gamzee's new ‘furrend’. You take the chance to ask her about Nepeta and make sure your hypothesis is right, and she seemed to be extra excited that she was meeting one of her little sister’s friends in the flesh.

You quickly learn to reply slower for her, modulating your words well and making sure she understood before beginning another sentence. You picked up that she is Kurloz's girlfriend, that they both met at the hospital -a topic that she didn't elaborate on- and that she has all her classes with Kurloz because he isn't deaf like her, just mute, and he helps her understand a lot of things she couldn't in any other situation, through sign language. You realize that Nepeta probably was well acquainted with Gamzee’s brother, and that explained why she knew him even further.

Once you arrive to Gamzee's house you can't avoid the thought that it is the smallest house you have ever been in. Small, and... well, you could very well tell they don't really have a lot of money. You feel slightly ashamed when you suddenly feel pity for Gamzee, thinking that he wouldn't want that at all.

"Come on bro!" He drags you to his room as soon as you get inside, Kurloz and Meulin being left behind in the living room after Gamzee shut the door. He sits down on the floor of his room, leaving the bed all for you, and quickly sets up a radio that immediately starts to blast unbearably loud rap music before he lowers the volume down to something more acceptable. You grin widely and almost squeak before opening your mouth to speak.

"That's... my favorite band." You are sure your face looks very stupid right now, but you can't bring yourself to tone the excitement down. He grins and laughs at your words.

"Fuck yeah, they're the fucking best!" He raises his arms in the air to emphasize just how amazing they are. You see him lower his arms and take a deep breath before you hear him start to rap along with the song that is currently playing. You rapidly follow him into the fun, not missing a single word of the well memorized lyrics, and you both look at each other as if a miracle is taking place right this very second.

He turns the volume down after the song ends, hearing a knock on the door before it opens up. Meulin pops her head inside with flushed cheeks and a wide smile.

"We're going out to the movies, so see you later! It was awesome meeting you, Tavros!" You give her a polite smile and wave a hand at her. "Bye Gamzee! Have fun." She stares at Gamzee for longer than necessary before giggling at something she must have thought and closing the door to leave with Kuloz. You both hear her footsteps as she walks away, and once you hear the front door open and close, Gamzee leans his body forwards as he sits on the floor and speaks in a secretive tone.

"That's a total motherfucking lie, motherfuckers are gonna go and find themselves a nice little place to fuck like kinkiest of rabbits." A full second goes by before you break out laughing, a hand going up to your face to cover your mouth and the blush that is threatening to take over your face. You really didn't want to know that. He starts to laugh too, and you hope he isn't laughing at your childish reaction. "Now, now, my brother, I can't wait a single mother fucking minute more to hear your promised rhymes." He rubs his hands together as he waits for you to reply, and you hesitate for a moment before nodding, letting him know you are ready to go. He immediately begins to create a beat with his own mouth, and you wait a moment before coming up with the perfect opening sentence, and you begin to spill your heart out in the worst set of rhymes you could have ever come up with. And you somehow managed to provide enough bad lyrics to fill in for a minute or so.

The experience proves to be extremely satisfactory, and you end up laughing, your face burning red from excitement and pure happiness. You get ready to create a beat of your own for Gamzee, and watch him bite his lips in anticipation while you try to come up with the best one you could imagine. You cover your mouth with your hand like you have seen rappers do, and try to spit out a nice beat that sucked as much as your rhymes, but that Gamzee considered to be perfect.

He did a horrible job at the lyric spewing as well, but you don't consciously think that for even a single second. You are convinced of the exact opposite.

You both decide you are simply the best rappers out there, and promptly waste the next ten minutes praising one another, complaining that other people just didn't get what good rapping sounded like since they always told you you sucked, and he seems rather glad that you have left behind your insecurity towards the topic enough for you to be honestly bothered by the thought of being told your beats weren't ill enough.

After a while he gets off the floor and opens up his closet, revealing a huge mess of clothes, trash and his personal belongings, and takes out a pair of juggling clubs to entertain you. You notice there is a monocycle stuffed in the back of the coset, and you think to yourself that he takes this clown act very seriously. You wonder if you will ever get the chance to see him ride the thing.

You laugh at the first several attempts he makes of catching the clubs in the air, and then you hurriedly get off the bed to check on him when one of the things hits him in the head by accident. He laughs it off and grabs your hand to get it away from his bruised head. He holds on to your hand for longer than necessary, but lets you go after a moment.

"You should try it out, motherfucker." He says, and hands you one of the juggling clubs that rest on the floor beside him. He stands and helps you up to your feet, holding the other juggling club in his hand. "Alright bro... Now you be very careful with this shit, I'll walk you through it. Shit's as easy as kicking a freshly opened Faygo." You nod hesitantly, feeling the weight of the clubs. They were rather heavy, or at least heavy enough to leave a bruise if you were unlucky enough to hit your head like Gamzee did. But you decide to trust him on this, and offer him a smile that he quickly responds to with a poke on the tip of your nose and a loud "honk!" being exclaimed.

"Alright, I guess I can, give it a try, I mean, it shouldn't be too hard..." He nods rapidly and hands you the other club before cupping both of your busy hands with his, keeping them still before he started to move them, and help you through the basic motions before getting down to the real thing. His hands are cold and a little clammy, and they wrap around the back of yours way too perfectly. You only now notice his hands are not only thin and bony, but also rather big. Yours truly fit perfectly in them.

"You all fine bro?" He asks you then, and you realize you had spaced out while looking down at both of your hands.

"Uh, yes, I'm okay. How do I throw it, without hurting myself, or you?" he gifts you a sweet laugh that you are not sure it even has a reason to be, and he lets go of your hands. He then does his best attempt at teaching you how to throw it, mimicking the action, but ends up failing miserably at the job. Luckily enough, you both were not injured during the long, ridiculously fun session.

You lose track of time until you realize it is now dark outside, and you gasp as soon as you check your phone and see it is nearing 8 PM. You remember you don't really know where you're at, and only know that this place is pretty far from your own house. You don't even know if there are any buses that go towards the general area your house is located at, or where to take it if there is one. He had told you Kurloz wasn't going to be back home early, if he even decided to sleep in the house. You begin to freak out just a bit and worry sick.

"Hey bro, chill out, it's all kinds of cool. You can spend the night here just fine, I can even sleep on the couch if you don't wanna share the bed with this here motherfucker."

"Oh, I... That sounds like a very good idea, actually, if you really don't mind. I wouldn't want you to sleep on your couch, though, this is your house, after all... So I guess, I don't mind sharing." You consciously make the great effort to not associate sleeping together to any kind of possible romantic situation. It would be childish and stupid to do so, or so you think. He gives you this smile that makes you think he had probably thought you would actually take his offer and let him sleep on the couch. He looks glad you didn't do that.

"It's fine all over this bitch, don't you worry ‘bout a damn thing. You're more than welcome if you ever wanna crash someplace else besides your own motherfucking bed in the future also."

"Thanks... I guess." You smile lightly and get your phone out of your pocket again, and begin to browse through your contacts to call you father. You step outside Gamzee's room to speak to your dad, and you let him know where you are at, that you won't go back home for the night, and to not worry. You can tell he is rather angry at you for not saying so sooner since he had been already worrying something bad had happened to you, but he soon hung up and let you enjoy your little sleepover.

"Hey dog, you wanna get your watch on to some fucking movie with me?" he says as soon as you enter his room again, seeing him already setting up a DVD player on top of his rather old tv. You nod anyways, despite knowing he was going to set it up either way. You take a seat on his bed with your legs pulled to your chest, your back against the wall, and watch him go about his room searching for something that turned out to be an old blanket that he made into a ball and threw at you. You stretch it out again and pull it over your shoulders, leaving enough fabric for Gamzee to cover his shoulders with it if he decided to sit next to you and share it. He soon turns off the lights, remote control in hand, and jumps on the bed to scoot really close to you, wrapping what he could of the blanket over his own back. "This fucking movie is so full of miracles, I doubt anything can compare to this fine ho-titty work of art." You chuckle at his choice of words and at how passionate he seems to feel towards it, and purse your lips as the menu screen comes on and announces a terrible looking horror movie. You aren't a fan of the genre, but you are sure you can handle it as long as you watch it with Gamzee so close to you. You honestly doubt you will freak out when you are already feeling so comfortable, warm, and safe.

You breathe in deeply as the movie begins and the opening credits start to roll, and you notice Gamzee's scent as it lifted to your nose, warm and so close. You wouldn't qualify the scent to be specifically good, but it wasn't bad either. It was just his scent. You can distinguish the smell of his hair, tangled strands holding on to fruity shampoo despite it needing a serious wash; the nice smell of what would be either cologne or deodorant (you guess it probably is the latter), and the scent of clothes that have been worn previously and were now being used again without a previous wash. And then there's the creamy, strange scent of his face paint. You find the combination to be comforting in some way, seeing as he always smelled like that. Or at least that's the scent you picked up from him during the few close encounters that you have had with him, all of them even happening thanks to Gamzee's lack of sense of personal space.

You watch the whole movie and end up liking it some, and Gamzee quickly removes himself from your side to pop in another CD. It is another horror movie. Another one with clowns being the main theme. You giggle when the menu comes up, and he giggles along, surely not even knowing what he was laughing at. Gamzee's commentary all through this movie was pretty entertaining this time, at least until he suddenly fell asleep. You couldn’t help a smile when you noticed his silence was due to his lack of conscience. You looked up to the half way finished movie, and felt his head nuzzle into your shoulder and his hair tickle your face as he shifted even closer to you in his sleep. You decide against getting up now to turn off the television, and instead take the remote from his limp hand and turn it off with the power button. You lean your own head to the side and let it rest on his carefully, hearing him snore softly. You begin to fall asleep, the soothing sound of his rhythmic breathing filling your ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO HOMO.  
> I hope I haven't tricked you into thinking I know what I am actually doing. Cause I don't.


	4. Bad Rom Coms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not always that Karkat gets his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long! But I literally wrote this chapter 2 times and erased both versions completely before coming up with this third version... haha... So many pages.  
> Enjoy c:

You look to your side as Gamzee sits down beside you, and you see a huge, goofy grin plastered on his face. He is the last one to arrive to the lunch table, and most of you have already eaten at least half of your lunch. Well, except for you, who are a rather slow eater when you're not starving, so your lunch is almost intact. You swallow the mouthful of lettuce in your mouth before asking about his excitement.

“Are you, okay?” You ask with a smirk, and he nods furiously.

“I all up and got a mad fucking wicked idea, bro.” He says as he jumps a little on his seat, and then raises his voice to be heard by everyone on the table, above their loud chatter.

“Hey motherfuckers, what do ya’ll say about going out to a motherfucking fun location of some sort to hang out and shit?” There is some silence as they look at him before Aradia speaks up.

“What do you have in mind?” She is smiling, her eyes sparkling with curiosity as she sets down her napkin.

“Oh, I don’t know…” He says, his eyes looking elsewhere for a moment in thought.

“How about we go to the mall?” Sollux says. “I need to buy some CD’s and another external hard drive anyways, so...”

“Oh! That sounds like a pawsitively fun idea! Maybe we can watch a movie too?” Nepeta claps her hands together, sudden excitement present on her voice, and Gamzee nods at her with a grin from ear to ear.

“Fuck yeah, that sounds like a dope ass plan.”

“Then I’m going too." Terezi sticks her tongue towards Nepeta before aiming it at Gamzee. You wonder why a blind girl would want to watch a movie, but you keep your thoughts to yourself.

“Sure, what the hell, it’s not like I had anything better to do.” Karkat says. “But we’re fucking watching ' _It’s him or the man next door_ ', or I’m going to seriously reconsider it.” Karkat sounds serious. Terezi begins to laugh purposefully loud as she wiggles her tongue at him.

“I am not spending my Friday watching a lame Rom Com, Karkles. Even the title sounds absolutely ridiculous”

“You better just suck it up, Pyrope.”

“I think it might be fun!” Nepeta sides with Karkat, and you can’t help a giggle at that. Of course she would; and for more than one reason.

“Maybe we can watch ‘ _Tomb Raider 4_ ’.”

“No.” Aradia seems a little disappointed at her choice being dismissed like that by Karkat, but she quickly recovers.

“Jesus Christ, we’re not going to be able to please every fucking body, so let’s just go with KK’s choice and avoid a fucking massive tantrum from the cheesy 5 year old.” Karkat nods and points a hand at Sollux, with an obvious ‘there you go’ expression despite the slight insult in that. You hear Gamzee chuckle at the show, but soon shares his opinion.

“It’s gonna be all kinds of fun anyways, let’s just go watch Karkat’s movie. I bet the flick is as motherfucking miraculous as motorboating a fucking ninjette’s wicked titties.”

“Ugh.” Terezi makes a face at Gamzee’s choice of words, but you try to stifle a laugh.

“What time should we meet up?” Nepeta says.

“How ‘bout… 6 PM?” Gamzee doesn’t look too sure, but you guess it’s a good enough time.

“Right. Everyone pays their own tickets.” Karkat says with a tone of finality, and you swear you see a satisfied smile on his lips for a split second.

 

* * *

 

 

You arrive at Karkat’s house far too late. Gamzee was the one driving (since he had asked Kurloz if he could borrow the car), but that wasn’t the actual reason for your lateness. It had been your father’s fault, who had forced your clown friend to stay and eat an early dinner with you before heading out when he picked you up from your own place. Maybe your dad found him too skinny, maybe he just didn’t want his deliciously fresh food go to waste. You decide to not dwell on it; the damage was already done. He just didn't know how to take 'no' for answer.

“Way to fucking go, shitsponge, it’s almost 6 PM already and the trip takes at least 20 fucking minutes from here!” The small boy basically yells, baring his teeth to seem intimidating, or so you think.

“Hey motherfucker, chill your titties.” Gamzee gets off the car at the same time as you do, and walks up to Karkat before bending a little to pick up the guy to hug the life out of him.

“Goddammit, let me go right this instant you disgusting, unwanted spawn of your dad's filthy broken condom!” but Gamzee doesn’t let go of him, and instead twirls him around as if to make him even angrier on purpose. “Fucking-!” You can see Gamzee kiss his cheek repeatedly as you stand there awkwardly, and that’s when Karkat starts to kick him and attempt to elbow his stomach until Gamzee finally sets him free. You doubt he did much damage, though, from the way Gamzee begins to chuckle. “Fuck you. I better not get herpes or some shit, or I swear to fucking God, I will fucking shove every last one of your ridiculous juggling clubs up your ass, leaving room for your even more ridiculous monocycle.” Gamzee crinkles his nose and walks towards the car, opening the back door for Karkat.

“Come on bro, don’t be like that.”

“Just… Hurry up.” He says, and you jump into the passenger’s seat again, pursing your lips at the little show they had put up. You wonder if maybe Gamzee is keeping something from you, regarding Karkat. You wonder if maybe he has a thing for him, or they have a thing, since you have a hard time remembering if you ever knew a couple of friends that were so physically affectionate with one another. Maybe that’s just Gamzee being Gamzee, overly touchy and even oblivious to the concept of personal space, but you have a feeling there’s something more. You find yourself wondering about that until you arrive to your destination, not really picking up on their conversation even when Karkat realized he had a grey smudge on his face and began to yell at Gamzee. You’re not even sure why you care.

When you find your little group, you realize that there are two new people you know, but hadn’t expected to see today. Feferi, who's sporting a pretty fuschia dress that was easy to spot from miles away, and Eridan, a guy you aren’t too fond of since he is a little mean, but you guess is okay.

“Hi!” The girl greeted you three, and the guy waved weakly before fixing his glasses and looking away. You have a feeling he is trying to look interesting.

“I invited Equius too, but he had soccer practice today.” Nepeta informs you when you walk to her side. They both play soccer together, and are rather good at it, but they’re in different teams and have practice on different days most of the time. It’s a shame that she wouldn’t get to hang out with him today, seeing as they barely saw each other nowadays; he doesn't even go to your school anymore.

Your group headed straight to the movie theater, loud chatter all around you as everyone engrossed themselves in different conversations. You all bought tickets for 7:30, and decided to walk around for a while and get Sollux’s CD’s and hit a few stores to pass the time.

Half of you decided to go inside a clothing store that looked pretty big, while the rest waited outside on a bench to keep on chatting. You went straight to check out some jeans in the men section, since you need new ones, and Gamzee tagged along, him being the only other guy besides you and Karkat that decided to check out some clothes as well.

You decided on three pairs of jeans after looking around for a while, and Gamzee quickly grabbed a handful of random clothes that were sitting by the changing room before quietly deciding to abandon Karkat and follow you inside a small room, instead of getting his own.

You feel a little weirded out at Gamzee when he pushes his way past inside without permission from you, and maybe even a bit embarrassed, but he makes absolutely nothing of it. He instantly changes to a huge black T-Shirt that makes him look even skinnier than normal.

“Whatcha think? Should I buy it?” He jokes, or at least you think so. You crinkle your nose anyways and shake your head with a chuckle. He shrugs and takes it off, and this time you take a peek at his naked torso. Damn, his skin has never seen the light of day. You look away and focus on putting on one of the most promising jeans, and you glance back at him when he begins to laugh increasingly loud. You cover your mouth in time to catch a burst of laughter when you see he has put on a really short skirt and a pink tank top, that said “Sugar momma” on the front with glitter letters, which also left his stomach visible. You just now notice he has a purple ring on his navel, and you think it just tops off the look.

“I look like a motherfucking hooker, man.” He jokes again, and you nod despite thinking it’s not all that devious, really. It’s a lot more girly than anything. He twirls around to let the skirt flutter, being careful to not trip over his naked feet, revealing even more of his enviable long legs covered in thick, black hairs. He ends up giving you his back and looking at you over his shoulder dramatically, popping his hip with one hand on his waist. “Would you all up and pay for me, motherfucker?” You let out a laugh and take off your jeans to try on another pair.

“I don’t think, buying those clothes is a good idea, Gamzee.” You tell him, and he begins to laugh softly.

“That’s not what I meant.” You look at him and see smirk on his face, and your face gets hot. Oh.

“Uh…” You know it’s just a stupid joke, but you still feel strange buzzing in your stomach and your face burn lightly. You decide to force a mocking snort before replying with a joking tone of voice. “Oh, sure. Those curves of yours, sure are, tempting.” He let’s out a laugh and punches your shoulder before starting to strip again. He throws the skirt and the tank top on the floor, and you look at his body up and down, not being able to stop yourself. No curves there; Just sharp, bony edges. You meet his face again and realize that he was staring at you, and you feel caught. You feel your face get hot yet again, and you decide to hurry up and put on your actual pants. “We should, get going.” You say, and he nods straight away.

“Don’t wanna be all up and late to Karkat’s movie.”

He gets dressed rapidly and follows you out, and you see a lady sitting there, by the entrance of the changing room. She looks at you over, then at Gamzee, and her face becomes an open expression of disgust. She takes a moment before replying as she receives your clothes.

“Only one person per cubicle.” She says with a flat tone, and gives Gamzee a funny look. You see him shrug and smile.

“Sorry sis, didn’t know.” She points at a sign on the wall that says the same thing, even with the same exact words. He shrugs again and just walks away, and you mutter an apology. You don’t even want to know what she was thinking.

You meet up with Karkat over in the men’s section again, finding him hunting down for a decent pair of shoes that were his size, but that also weren’t for little kids. He was starting to get angry, and had even snapped at a worker that had nothing to offer except for a pair of Iron Man themed Sneakers. The guy had scurried off with the shoes in his hands and an annoyed expression, promising to come back with another more “manly” pair from storage. You doubt he would return at all. You also don’t see the problem with the Sneakers, but you guess it’s some sort of pride thing. They were of a brand specialized for little kid’s shoe wear after all.

“Fucking douchesquatting moron! Did you see the look he gave me?” He spun around to look at Gamzee with an offended glare. Gamzee shrugged with a chuckle before ruffling the smaller guy’s hair, earning him an angry grunt. “Fuckstain.” The insult was directed at the worker once again as he looked after him, even if he was not visible anymore. “You know what, fuck it. These shits aren’t even worth the money anyways.” He began to walk away, expecting you two to follow him.

You make a left down the aisle towards the women’s section, to see if you can find the girls and get out of the store. You look over the racks of clothing to find Nepeta, and as you scan the area with your eyes, you notice there is a tall guard following you. You frown, but decide to not make anything of it as you keep on walking, not yet calling out her name. You hear Gamzee chuckling a few feet away from you, and you turn your head to see what he’s up to. You find him standing in front of a jewelry display, putting one necklace after another around his neck.

“Gamzee.” You say as you get closer, a wide, amused smile on your face. “What, are you-”

“Here.” He grabs your hand and pulls it close to him, and quickly puts a golden ring on your left ring finger. You look at it and lift an eyebrow. “Friendship ring.” He shrugs, giving you a half smile. “Honk!” You take a moment before beginning to laugh, but you soon attract enough attention like for Karkat to make his way towards you and see what he was missing.

“Goddammit, you fucking cocklicker, get that shit off!” He scolds Gamzee when he sees him, and quickly begins to help him in the task of lifting the necklaces over his head.

“Aw, come on, bro.” He protests, but lets the smaller guy help him by bending down a little bit. You look at the ring on your hand for a moment, seeing the cool, shiny surface sparkle as you move it around. You take it off before Karkat scolds you too, even if you aren’t sure if he would do that, and put it back where Gamzee had taken it from.

“That asshole over there has been following you around the whole fucking time, I don’t want him to grab your skinny ass and search you or some shit.” Gamzee takes off the last of the golden necklaces and looks to the side, spotting the guard. You see him too, and the man makes no effort to disguise the superior glare he’s giving Gamzee. You look at Karkat and back to the guard standing by one of the clothing racks, out of earshot.

“...Why?”

“Just shut up, come on.” Karkat grabs Gamzee’s hand, dragging him as he walks towards the exit. You hesitate before following, feeling a little ashamed of yourself when you strain your ears to hear what Karkat hissed at Gamzee. You weren’t able to hear a thing, but Gamzee replied louder, almost offended.

“But I don’t do that shit no more, bro!”

“Whatever.”

You purse your lips as you keep your eyes on their back until Karkat releases Gamzee’s hand, coming up with a lucky guess of what that was about.

You get out of the store and find the rest of the group waiting on you, and you quickly leave in the direction of the movie theater. You, Nepeta, Gamzee and Karkat decide to get some popcorn and sodas, and you buy Gamzee some skittles after hearing him say that he wished he had brought along more money. You stand in line only for a few minutes before heading down the hall and entering the theater, and all of you take a seat in the same row.

Sollux sat at the very edge, and Aradia took a seat besides him to your surprise. Eridan took a seat besides Aradia, forcing Feferi to sit right next to him, to which she replied with an “Eridan!” before obliging; he was her date after all. Karkat sat right next to Feferi after eyeing Sollux for a moment, and Nepeta took a seat before anyone else could. Terezi plopped down by her side, which meant you and Gamzee would have to seat near the middle of the row. You sat by Terezi, hearing Gamzee sigh after letting himself fall on his own seat besides you, soon giving you an excited grin.

He opens up his bag of skittles straight away, holding the bag to you so you would make a cup with your hands to receive a fair share. He hesitates before giving you a playful look, and quickly reaches down to steal all of the purple skittles from your hands, popping them in his mouth one by one. You chuckle at that and let him have his way, watching him chew away his candy. He then takes some more out for himself, a lot of them being of your favorite flavour.

“The orange ones, are mine.” You say with a grin, and he picks one up with his fingers before lifting his hand to you, pressing the small candy against your lips. It takes you by surprise but you let him feed it to you anyways. He cups his hand and serves himself the rest, and lets you pick out all the other orange ones.

The commercials begin and drag on for a few minutes, giving enough time for the rest of the people to get inside the theater. The movie soon begins, with the classical atmosphere of a Romantic Comedy being set in with the happy, almost cute music. You guess it doesn’t look that bad. It’s not your favorite genre, but it’s alright. You glance over at Karkat when Gamzee looks over you to look in his direction, and you see the usually grumpy guy with a smile plastered on his face. You giggle at that, and Gamzee giggles along before going back to the movie.

You think you can pinpoint the exact moment in which Gamzee lost all interest. He begun to jump on his seat slightly, looking around as if he wanted to distract himself. He began to lift his leg up and down, but stopped when you put a hand on it to stop it, since it was beginning to annoy you. He looked over his shoulder to the back of the movie theater, and soon shoved his mouth to your ear to whisper.

“Fuck, bro, those motherfuckers are fucking!” You press your own lips together in a tight line and resist the urge to look, but you give in to the curiosity and look over your shoulder. You see some people that are closer to your seat absorbed in the movie, but you finally spot the couple on the back. On the very last row. They aren’t exactly fucking; it's more like, the girl giving the guy a little favor with her face below his waist.

“Oh, God.” You mutter and look at Gamzee in horror, but he is chuckling and biting his lips, completely amused by it. “I didn’t, want to see that.” You inform him as you breathe out a laugh, and attempt to go back to the movie. Gamzee does the same after a moment, probably trying to pick it back up, but he soon gets bored again.

He grunts and begins to rub his neck until you ask him what's wrong, and he replies with a pitiful look and a simple “my neck hurts”. He doesn’t ask for permission to do the next thing that pops into his mind, and he just lays his head on your shoulder and nuzzles into you, crossing his arms over his own chest. His hair tickles your neck and face, and you notice it smells really good, and even feels kind of soft. He obviously washed it before going out.

He eventually lets his arms fall to his lap again, and he reaches out a hand to cup yours. You look down, a little startled by the action, and he begins to rub the pad of his thumb over each of your nails. He has a habit of doing that now when there is nothing better to do, and you don’t really mind. You guess it just feels kind of nice to him. But then he goes ahead and just lets his hand rest on yours for almost a full minute before slowly beginning to entwine his fingers with yours, and you feel as if he is hesitating. You let him do it, your stomach tightening, and you have no idea if you want to pull away or stay like that.

You forget about the movie completely while your eyes are glued to your hands, watching as his thumb begins to rub against your skin softly. You want it to stop. You’re not sure why he is doing that, but you can’t pull away.

He shifts his head a little to look at you, still resting on your shoulder, and you can’t move as he stares at you with a mostly serious expression on his face. Your phone begins to buzz and you pull away your hand instantly, moving away from him more than necessary to pull out your phone from your pocket. It’s a text from your father, who felt the need to remind you that you have a curfew.

You close the message and turn off your phone, and you see Gamzee try to peer at the screen unsuccessfully. You’re halfway glad that the movie is almost done.

Once the credits begin to roll, you all make your way out of the theater, the light from the hallway blinding you momentarily. It’s well past 9:30 by now, and Feferi excuses herself saying something about her having to travel early in the morning. Eridan says goodbye and leaves with her, getting a free ride while he was at it. The rest of the group agrees that it's time to eat something, and you all head down to the food court in the mall.

You and Gamzee don't feel hungry since you both already had dinner at your place, so you both decide to buy big cones of ice cream. The rest buy some burgers and fries before sitting at the biggest table you all could find, and begin to eat in between silly commentaries of the movie.

“Can I taste it?” You look at Gamzee and at his pistacho cone with a small smile, and you peer at your own ice cream cone before stretching out your arm over the table to let him taste it. He leans in and takes a big lick off of your soy vanilla ice cream, and licks his lips over for a moment. “... Ain’t all that bad like like I all up and thought it would be.” He admits with a grin, and you let him take another lick before pulling it back to you. “Here, taste this miraculous shit.” He offers, but you shake your head.

“No, thank you. It has-”

“Oh, milk, shit.” He pulls it back to him and takes a bite rather than a lick. You nod, glad that he actually remembers and hadn’t thought you liked soy without a specific reason. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, actually.” You assure him, chuckling at the excess of green ice cream staining his grey painted lips. He chuckles along, and just continues to eat.

The group dissolves after eating, each person saying their respective goodbyes and going their own ways. You follow Gamzee and Karkat to the parking lot, hearing the smaller boy rant endlessly about how “fantastically genius!” the movie had been. Gamzee nods and chuckles as he tries to look as if he is listening, but you can see right through him. Karkat seems determined to get Gamzee to learn a thing or two from the movie, though, so he pushes you aside to prevent you from getting into the passenger seat, saying it was "his turn", and as soon as he is inside, he resumes where he left off. You can tell Gamzee isn't all that happy about that, but asides from a yawn or two that he manages to hide from Karkat, he doesn't show any other signs of boredom. You look at him through the rearview mirror the whole time, catching the glances he shot your way that made you giggle every time from how desperate he was for another conversation topic to be brought up. He would just shake his head and chuckle along, but Karkat made sure to ignore it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be uploading the next one really soon, it's completely done too. I just need to go over it a few more times to check for errors.


	5. New Bruise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I'm going to be changing the amount of total chapters from 7, to around 9, probably. Just an estimate, like before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. My hand slipped. I'm sorry.

Gamzee is lying on his back on top of the soft grass, taking long drags of the weed joint between his lips that he had fixed himself when you two got to the park. The place is big and nice for the area it’s set it, with some happy dogs running around after each other as their owners yell at them to stay still, and tall, orange trees scattered all over the area to provide shade, even if it was rather cold. you decide that it’s pretty enough like to visit it again sometime, if Gamzee is okay with that; it’s close to his house anyways.  
  
He finishes the smelly thing and puts it off on a patch of dirt by his side before leaving the remains right there. You are considerably glad that he’s done, since you don’t really like the smell of weed, and you don’t entirely approve of his bad habit. You, of course, keep this to yourself.  
  
He is quiet while you rip out a few blades of grass and throw them at his belly, his breathing calm and slow as he stares at the leaves of the tree you’re resting under.  
  
“We better get up and head home, motherfucker, I gotta get everything ready for a wicked small get together we’re gonna get having. Can’t all up and have no shit done for tonight.” He says out of the blue, and you frown after a few seconds. He hadn’t mentioned anything about that.  
  
“What, do you mean, ‘get together’?” You shift by his side to be able to look at his face a little better.  
  
“Oh, it’s thing for Kurloz. It’s the motherfucker’s birthday today, and me and Meulin thought it would be motherfucking bitchtits to fix him up some kind of little wickednasty celebration or some shit, just us.” He says with a small shrug, and you nod.  
  
“...Okay. Sounds, fun. Tell him I say happy birthday, then.” You smile, twisting a blade of grass around your finger before ripping it off.  
  
“Naw, motherfucker, you’re coming with me.” You arch your eyebrows in surprise.  
  
“Oh, um, I wouldn’t want to be a bother, actually… It’s a family thing, after all, isn’t it?”  
  
“Yeah, but you’re practically family too bro, like Meulin, ya know?” He flashes you a sweet grin, lifting a hand to brush off the grass resting on his stomach thanks to you.  
  
“... Wow, thank you.” You feel a tinge of pride inside you as you chuckle quietly. That had been really nice to hear. “But, I don’t think it’s the right thing to do, for me, I’m sure I’ll just be a bother…”  
  
“Don’t fucking say that bro, you’ll never be a motherfucking bother to this here motherfucker.” He sounds serious as he looks up at you.  
  
“Alright…” He stands up right away and helps you up to your feet with his hands, as if your words meant you were okay with going after all. That was not what you were going for, but you decide to not fight against his will. You had nothing better to do anyways, being a typical boring Sunday.  
  
“Better hurry the fuck up.” He begins to walk towards his house as he drags you along by the hand, and you try to keep up with his pace with your shorter legs. “But you gotta help me out!”  
  
You get to his house in no time, and he goes straight to the kitchen to clean it up and get ready to cook. You take the initiative to help him with the few dirty dishes resting inside the sink, and you both finish rather quickly; the kitchen isn’t very big anyways, so there’s not much that can get dirty.  
  
He asks you if you are any good at cooking so you can help him out, saying that he’s “pretty fucking dope” at pastry but at nothing else. He says he’s going to prepare the cake he hadn’t baked yesterday out of fear of Kurloz seeing it, and makes puppy eyes at you so that you agree to be the cook. You were actually going to help him out anyways. You assure him that you’re a relatively good cook, since your father has always loved to prepare new, elaborate dishes, and he has taught you enough tricks like to make something delicious and quick. He warns you that Kurloz is a huge meat eater, and you hesitate several moments before giving in and deciding you would prepare the frozen chicken that you saw stuffed inside their fridge. You wouldn’t eat a single piece of it after all, so you guess you can do this, if it’s for Gamzee and the rest. You take your time to prepare a wide variety of salads too, mainly for yourself, assuring Gamzee that they will taste good too.  
  
You are completely absorbed with the task of peeling some tomatoes when Gamzee calls your name, and you turn to see what he wants. But you are greeted with a hand covered in flour, dangerously close to your face.  
  
“Wait, what-” His hand covers your face completely, shutting you up, and he rubs it around your tan skin until he is satisfied with the result. “Gamzee!” You scold him, wiping the flour off your mouth before you lick any of it accidentally, and he begins to honk loudly. You narrow your eyes and pick up the potato peels, the tomato peels, and some discarded lettuce to begin to throw them at him in revenge. He runs to the other side of the small kitchen, covering his face with his arms, and you stop with your aiming practice to clean your hands in the sink and wash your face thoroughly. You hear him laughing at you for a while, but he soon goes back to focusing on preparing the cake.  
  
You both make a complete chaos of the kitchen as you finish cooking, leaving flour, dough, chopped lettuce and tomato peels everywhere on the counters, but at least everything is mostly done. The salads are ready to be spiced up, the cake is baking in the oven and the chicken is slowly cooking in the pot, emitting an aroma that you really wish you could get away from.   
  
You decide to clean up for Gamzee again while he goes off to rest on the couch, seeing as he looks a lot more tired than you feel. It turns out to be a bit tedious, but you guess it's your duty seeing as you are the guest and it's just bad manners to leave a mess, no matter the circumstances. Or so you have been taught.  
  
You wipe the sheen of sweat off your brow and step towards the living room once you’re done to see what Gamzee is up to, and you see him sprawled on the couch, his legs hanging from the armrest, his breathing shallow and his eyes closed. You walk over and look down at him, deciding to move his legs to sit down. You manage to sit on a small, crowded space, and you let his legs stay right how they were, but resting over your thighs. He soon chuckles low in his throat before opening an eye to look at you.   
  
“Was I out for long?” He mumbles in a drowsy voice.  
  
“Not, really… I doubt it was more than 20 minutes.” You say, and he nods before closing his eyes again.  
  
“The cake’s gotta be all up and ready in like, half an hour.” He says. You nod despite knowing that he cannot see you, and you let your head rest on the backrest of the couch. You let out a long yawn of your own, considerably tired for being on your feet while cooking for the past hour or so.  
  
You barely begin to close your eyes when you hear the front door swing open. Oh, shit. Kurloz is already home.   
  
You turn your head to look at him lazily, and your eyes widen when you see a man you have never seen before in your life stand by the door. He is tall, really tall, with wide shoulders and thick, black hair as long as Kurloz’. The look of disdain he gives you when he spots you makes you unable to say a word. You feel Gamzee start to sit up, and you turn your face to look at him instead. The look of both surprise and concern makes you uneasy.  
  
“What are you doing here?” He says probably before thinking, all traces of sleep gone from his voice, and the man snorts. You hear his heavy footsteps walk across the small living room towards the kitchen, and he enters without answering. Gamzee gives you a rapid, sharp look before jumping to his feet, and he walks towards the kitchen rapidly. You stay in place, only turning your body towards the entrance of the kitchen from your spot on the couch, but you’re unable to see inside. You can only hear their conversation. “I said what are you fucking doing here.”  
  
“This is my house.” The man has a deep voice that instantly reminds you of Gamzee, but there is a thick, foreign accent present on it that is impossible to miss. “The fuck do you think I’m doing here?” You can hear the refrigerator being opened. There is silence, but Gamzee speaks again, a little lower.  
  
“You gonna stay? It’s Kurloz’ birthday.” You hear another snort.  
  
“He’s too old to be celebrating that shit.”  
  
“So, no.” The man grunts, and you hear a bottle of soda open. You take a lucky guess that he’s the one drinking it. “You’re a motherfucking piece of shit of a fucking father, you know that?” You flinch at Gamzee’s words. You would never, ever, say such a thing to your father. You are so very certain that this man, who could be called a way older version of Gamzee himself, has to be his father. You realize that maybe you are in no position to compare at all. You suddenly feel so very uncomfortable.  
  
“Watch your mouth, bitch.”  
  
“Or what?” Gamzee raises his voice with defiance. “Motherfucker, you don’t give a single shit about us both, and I’m fucking fed up of that shit. You don’t even come here no more, this is gotta be the first motherfucking time I’ve seen you in hell of a lot of weeks. You ain’t our father no more.” He keeps raising his voice. “I don’t got no understanding why you think you can all and just come inside here, you don’t any right to-”  
  
“Shut the hell up you goddamn fuck, I work my ass off for you worthless pieces of shit, and you don’t got any right to be motherfucking telling me what I can or can’t motherfucking do.”  
  
“Bullshit, you son of a bitch, you don’t never leave behind a motherfucking dime for us, Kurloz is the one what had to get a goddamn shitty ass job to pay the motherfucking bills, so don’t be throwing such motherfucking lies all onto my fucking face! You can fuck off.” You hear the man stomp towards the living room again, and the first thing you see is the sharp, horrible glare that stabs you. It terrifies you, freezes your blood in your veins. And the look on Gamzee’s face when he steps out of the kitchen is nothing different.  
  
“You’re asking for it.” The man warns in a lower, dangerous voice, and your breath hitches. But Gamzee laughs.  
  
“I ain’t afraid of you no more, motherfucker.” The man turns on his heels, his fists clenching and unclenching, a low growl escaping from his throat. You gasp when he lands a hard punch on Gamzee’s face, making him stagger and press a hand against the spot immediately. You stand up from the couch, not knowing what to do, briefly wishing you weren’t there. Gamzee groans, his glare lifting to look at his father again. You can hear a deep, animal-like growl growing in his own chest, pure rage becoming verbalized. You hesitate, not wanting to get between them, not wanting to get hurt, but once you're certain that Gamzee is about to throw himself on the man as if he has a remote chance of winning the fight, you run over to him and grab his arms to restrain him from behind.  
  
“Gamzee, no!” You say, your eyes fixed on the intimidating man. “Gamzee.” He is fighting against you, pulling his arms away, focused on his target. “Please, calm down.” You fear getting too close to him, even from behind. He is so strong. Too strong. “Gamzee.” You repeat, and feel his struggle getting weaker. Your heart is racing. The man is just standing there, watching you with disdain.   
  
Gamzee stops fighting. He suddenly jerks away from you, and walks past you into his room, and slams the door loudly once he steps inside. You are left there to stand before the tall man. You force yourself to move, and try to step back towards the couch again, hoping to get away from his glare. He turns and leaves towards a room down the hall that you haven’t seen neither Gamzee nor Kurloz ever open, and he gets inside without closing the door, emerging only moments after. He has different clothing on when you see him again, and has a small bag in his hands that he is trying to zip up as he walks towards the front door.   
  
He stops right before getting out of the house, doorknob in hand, and glares at you again. He sneers, and then speaks.  
  
“ _отвратительно педик_.” He says, and you have no idea if you even recognize the language he is speaking. He leaves immediately after, slamming the door as well.  
  
You stand there for a minute once he’s gone, almost in shock. You hadn’t expected this to happen at all. You don’t understand, can’t understand what just happened. You take your phone out of your pocket to check the time and decide to turn off the oven and take the chicken out of the fire. You drink a tall glass of water before getting out of the kitchen, eyeing the unfinished bottle of soda that rests on the counter on your way out, and you hesitate for a moment before placing your hand around the doorknob of Gamzee’s door. You heard him lock himself inside the room a few minutes ago, but the lock is broken. He knows that, but you guess the habit just hasn’t gone away.  
  
You open the door slowly and step inside the dark room with cautious steps, trying to spot Gamzee in the shadows. You see him sitting on the floor, hugging his legs to his chest. You don’t turn on the lights as you get closer to him, leaving the door ajar to obtain some light since the dark purple curtains were drawn. You grab his arm and try to pull him to his feet.  
  
“Come on.” You say and sit him on the bed. He doesn't say a word as he avoids your eyes. He lies on the mattress then, giving you his back as you sit down beside him on the bed, his eyes glued to the dirty, grey wall that is littered with silly handwriting from his friends and himself.   
  
There is silence, abnormal, uncomfortable silence that you wish would just go away. You want Gamzee to get up and just be himself, all smiles and jokes. You are selfish. You watch him just lay motionless like that, facing the wall, and all you can hear is your own breathing. You look away to fix your stare on your hands instead.  
  
“Tav.” He murmurs suddenly, breaking the silence with the pathetic croak of his voice and you turn your head towards him again. “Can you motherfucking hold me?” The question makes your stomach clench. You haven’t heard such a sad tone in his voice before, and you absolutely hate it. You realize that that was probably the very same thing you should have been doing as soon as you stepped inside, instead of sitting there like an idiot, without even saying a single comforting word.  
  
Your body moves on the bed until your back is resting against the wall, and you help him sit up carefully. He crawls closer to you, his arms stretching out towards your body and he quickly wraps his long arms around your torso almost desperately. He buries his face on your neck and hugs you tightly, his breathing hot against your skin. Your arm snakes around his body to keep him close, feeling his grip on you tightening even more. You then feel him start to shake from his soft sobs. You press your lips into a tight line and let your head rest against the wall.  
  
“It’s okay…” You whisper, not sure what to say. You never were so good at comforting people. Now that you think of it, you can’t even remember the last time you saw a friend like this, vulnerable as can be. “Don’t cry, it’s okay.”  
  
“No it isn’t.” His voice is thick with his crying. You decide to just rub his back, and not say any more to avoid fucking up.  
  
He cries in the crook of your neck for a few minutes, his hiccups slowly dying down over time. And you keep on rubbing his back, feeling your palm burning slightly from the friction of your skin against the thin fabric of his T-shirt.   
  
“... Are you, feeling any better?” You whisper after a while, and feel him nod against you. He takes a deep, shaky breath.  
  
“Yeah. Thanks.” He murmurs, and you feel his hold over you tighten a bit more since it had become rather loose at some point during his crying.   
  
A quiet minute passes before he lifts his face slowly to meet your eyes. His own eyes are red and puffy, and his face paint is smudged beyond fixing. There are thin, dim trails of naked skin from his eyes to his jaw, and a clean spot on his cheek where he had pressed it against your shoulder. You feel pity pooling in your stomach and weighing you down, and you think that if you weren’t hugging him already, you would be dying to.  
  
He lets his eyes fall from your face, and you suddenly realize that he is getting closer to you. Your eyes widen when you feel his dry, painted lips press against your cheek softly, his nose exhaling hot air on your skin.   
  
“Thanks.” He murmurs again and stays still for a moment, his eyes closed and his nose against you, just breathing. You swallow thickly, and lick your lips with a frown growing on your face. You feel the tip of his long nose rub softly against your skin for a moment, and then it travels across your cheek, bringing his lips closer to your own. He presses another sweet kiss on the corner of your mouth, making your breath hitch and your heart skip a beat. This is wrong. Your stomach just became a knot. His lips begin to brush their way across your mouth slowly, parting slightly against yours, letting you taste the air he is exhaling for only a mere second, and you move your face away from him to avoid the kiss as quickly as you can. You gulp and wait for him to move, your eyes fixed on the dark wall and facing away from his face.  
  
He lets his head rest on your shoulder again, and he lets out a deep sigh.  
  
“Shit bro, fucking cake is gonna get itself all up and burnt.” He says with a short, breathy laugh, sounding oddly natural.  
  
“It’s fine, actually. I turned off the oven, before coming here. But now you have to, decorate it, I guess.” You chuckle, trying to add some normality. You don’t want this to be awkward. You don’t care that a certain thing most definitely almost happened. You don’t want to think about it. You want to keep your friend, since he’s the best friend you have ever had, and you aren’t planning on losing him because of a kiss that insinuated feelings that you are not sure you can share, that didn’t even happen.  
  
“Damn, that’s right. Kurloz’ gonna be here any fucking minute now, and Meulin’s gonna be all kinds of disappointed if all this shit ain’t all up and done.” He chuckles too, and you give him a smile that you’re sure he can see despite the dark when he leans away and lets go of you. He gets on his feet and stretches, letting out a grunt. “Imma get my face all cleaned up.” He says, and quickly leaves the room to lock himself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes.   
  
He gets out of the bathroom with a freshly applied coat of makeup that replaced the messy mask of smudges and salt. His eyes are red and still a little puffy, but the makeup does its job and hides any other evidence of his crying.   
  
“Um…” You realize your shirt is smeared with his makeup on your shoulder when you find yourself in the bright light of the kitchen, and he does so too.  
  
“Aw, fuck.” He chuckles. “Want me to let ya borrow one of mine?” You shrug as you consider it, but he goes off to his room again, quickly coming back with a purple shirt with a logo of some kind of horrorcore band you don’t really know anything about. “Here ya go.” He hands you the shirt, and goes off to the oven to get the cake out. You stand there for a moment, looking it over. You decide to just put it on right there in the kitchen, and you find it’s rather loose around your body. You guess the shirt is just too big for Gamzee anyways, since you are definitely wider than he is.   
  
You throw your dirty shirt on the brown couch from the entrance of the kitchen, and get ready to check out the chicken and prepare some rice you totally forgot about making to go with it.  
  
Gamzee does an amazing job at decorating the cake, using mostly some purple frosting he had made yesterday that he had managed to hide in the fridge from his brother. The cake sports a ‘Happy birthday ‘Loz’ in big letters, and it has some small, purple bones decorating the edges and sides of the cake, with a nice and small addition of a smiley face with a round nose that you guess is supposed to represent a clown smiling on the top right corner. Pretty fitting. Asides from that, he left enough room to put two candles on top of it, each of them a different number. You realize Kurloz is 20 years old, at least a year older than you had expected, even though he is a senior.  
  
You both go back to relaxing on the couch after everything is completely done, and Gamzee goes back to sleep while you try to watch some cartoons and listen to their dialogue over his now loud snoring.  
  
You look down at him and watch him sleep for a moment, chuckling softly at just how deeply asleep he was. He must not have slept so well last night. You think you could slap him across the face, and he would still not wake up this time. You stop smiling when that thought crosses your mind, and you frown as you try to see if his face is even slightly swollen where his father had hit him. You sigh deeply and close your eyes, shaking your head. That had been something you wish would have never happened. Maybe if you had pulled him away before that, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt. You wonder if it has happened before. You wonder if it has been worse. You decide you would never ask him, and would instead focus on getting him to smile, because God, had it hurt you to see him like that.  
  
You hear the front door open, and this time you hesitate before looking over your shoulder to see who it is. You find Kurloz walking in, Meulin trailing after him with a large plastic back in one of her hands. He raises his eyebrows at you in surprise, and Meulin is the one to speak.  
  
“It’s Tafurros! Hi!” She does this funny walk towards you, both to greet you properly and to leave the bag on the floor near the television. “How are you?” Her loud voice wakes Gamzee up, who covers his eyes with his arm before grunting some curses.   
  
“I’m, uh, okay.” You smile at her, and she looks at your lips before nodding and grinning again.  
  
“Awesome. Hey, wake up!” She gets close to Gamzee and pats his chest, and your friend uncovers his eyes to look at her.  
  
“What’s up?” He drawls, and his eyes widen for a second as if he remembered he was supposed to be doing something. “Aw, shit.” Meulin looks up behind you before crouching down, and she begins to sign something to Gamzee. You guess she doesn’t want to be heard by her boyfriend. Gamzee signs back something with a secretive smile, and begins to laugh.   
  
She gets up with a content grin, looking behind you again before setting her eyes on you.  
  
“Isn’t that Gamzee’s?” She says loudly, pointing a finger at your shirt.  
  
“Uh, yeah, it is…” You look at her in confusion when she begins to giggle and squeal. Your mouth presses into a line when she begins to sign something to Gamzee again, shooting glances in your direction, and you just know she is talking about you. Gamzee whines before responding with a long set of hand movements, and you can’t help the frown you give him when he glances at you too.  
  
You see her shake her head with another giggle, and she ruffles his black hair before walking towards the kitchen.  
  
“It’s sailing!” She says even louder than normal, and you hear Kurloz’ strange version of a chuckle as he disappears into his own room.  
  
“... What was she saying?” You ask as Gamzee gets off the couch with a yawn.  
  
“Nothin’.” He says and begins to laugh at you when you give him a glare, not feeling all that happy about being spoken of basically behind your back while you are right there. But he doesn’t respond to your question at all, and you decide to just let it drop and enjoy the rest of the evening as much as you can.  
  


 

* * *

  
  
You lie on your bed as you go through the messages on your phone, its screen being the only light source in the whole room. You put the phone aside by your pillow as you sit up, and you take off your pajama pants to sleep in your briefs, feeling the room too hot like to sleep in them. You throw the pants on the floor in time to hear your phone vibrating, and you lie back down to check who’s messaging you so late at night on a Sunday.  
  
TC: hEeEeEy MoThErFuCkEr, JuSt WaNtEd To AlL uP aNd BeInG tO sAy GoOdNiGhT.  
TC: :0)   
  
You giggle before typing a quick reply, the corners of your eyes wrinkling thanks to your smile.  
  
AT: hAHA, oKAY,  
AT: tHANKS GAMZEE,   
AT: gOODNIGHT, tO YOU TOO,   
  
You set up the alarm on the phone before stretching your hand to your bedside table and leaving the phone there, sighing deeply before rolling to your side and getting comfortable. You close your eyes and relive the day behind your eyelids: the lazy Sunday morning at the park, the preparation for the small party, and the party itself. You purposely skip the bitter side of the evening, not wanting it to spoil your now good mood.  
  
  
Gamzee had gotten Kurloz some CD’s of his favorite band as a present, and Meulin had bought him an I-pod, that he had reluctantly accepted because he had thought it might have costed too much.   
  
Kurloz had a smile on his face the whole time as he ate your food, and from what Meulin told you, he had suspected you had been the cook since Gamzee was absolute shit when it came to cooking anything that wasn’t sweet. You had laughed at that, and Gamzee had stuck his tongue at his brother for the nice words. Kurloz did praise him for the nice, tasty cake, though, and even you had to admit that it surprised you that it was so good.   
  
The rest of the evening passed by lazily as you watched a few funny parodies of scary movies that had all of you doubling over with laughter, and soon it was time for you to get home.   
  
  
You roll over your stomach on the bed and stretch, yawning loudly. You feel really tired, and you hope that you manage to wake up in the morning. You breathe in deeply, and notice the smell of the shirt you are wearing. It’s Gamzee’s shirt. You had been too lazy to take it off before bed, thinking that you could always just wash it before returning it some other day, and that it wasn’t a big deal since it was really comfortable anyways. You grab the collar and bring it closer to your nose, closing your eyes before sniffing again a few times. You decide on admitting that you really like his scent, and feel just a little bit grateful that you’re getting to breathe it now, and also a little bit creepy. But his somewhat pleasant scent takes you back to something you had been viciously trying to avoid thinking about, and you allow yourself to wonder what would have happened if you had let him kiss your lips. You feel your face get hot with the thought, and you try to push it away; but as always, the more you avoid it, the more it comes back to bite you on the ass.  
  
You grunt annoyed at your inability to think of something else, and you just give up.   
  
His imaginary lips feel really, really nice against yours. But you do not like guys. God, is this making you really confused, and even uncomfortable at this point. You wish you knew what the hell he was thinking when he tried that. To you, it was beyond his usual, and now somewhat acceptable touchiness. But you think you are just trying to play dumb with yourself, since you obviously already know what he was thinking, and have known it for quite some time: You know he likes you, or at least you are pretty sure he does. You’re usually not very good at noticing these kind of things, but you would have to be an absolute idiot to not notice how much he enjoys your company, and how much he seems to crave it. This kiss that didn’t happen was probably his way of telling you he wanted more. And the rejection of it had also been your way of saying ‘No’.  
  
You suddenly wonder if maybe you hurt his feelings. There were no words, but the rejection had been really obvious.   
  
You remember that he might have a “thing” going on with Karkat according to your observations, and the reminder feels like a punch to the gut. This makes you at least ten times more confused than before. If he is with Karkat, then he doesn’t like you like that, and couldn’t like you like that. If he is with Karkat, then what the fuck was he doing trying to kiss you at all?  
  
You press your face against the pillow and groan loudly, frustrated. You jump a little when your phone buzzes again, startling you, and you grab it with a frown.  
  
TC: sEe Ya ToMoRrOw, BrO.  
TC: HoNk!  
  
You attempt to be mature about the situation by sticking your tongue at the screen, and you stop yourself before laying it down. You do the next thing solely on impulse.  
  
AT: hEY, i WANTED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING, iF THAT’S OKAY, i MEAN,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: aRE YOU, mAYBE, dATING KARKAT?  
  
You regret sending that straight away, and you quickly turn off your phone completely to avoid his reply to be received at all. You put it on the beside table and bite your lips anxiously, closing your eyes to summon drowsiness even if it was by force.  
  
You then try your hardest to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pretend this is an ARG and you gotta find out what Nashir (GHB) just said, yay.  
> Let me know what you think, I'm always open to constructive criticism and such c:


	6. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist starting it out with a nice class like this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should wait until I revise this even more times than I already have but MAN am I excited about finally finishing this and all that. hueeeeeeeee. Also. Sorry for taking so long, I had no computer blah blah excuses now LET'S GET GOING!

You think it’s just downright ridiculous that the teacher made you change into your gym clothes just to take a seat on the cheap, metallic chairs neatly set up by a white board and a projector. You can swear you heard a collective sigh when Mr. Davis gave the order and you all had to jog to the locker rooms to do as asked, only to reappear 10 minutes later in the gym. He had everything set up by then.

You grab a chair in the very back right next to Gamzee and Karkat. Gamzee looks like you interrupted his hourly session of spacing out, while Karkat looks like he can’t wait until it’s time to leave. His leg is bouncing up and down and his eyes are looking around as the chairs begin to fill, and he leans close to Gamzee to whisper something every 30 seconds.

“Is everyone already here?” The teacher calls out, scanning your faces. “Yes?” No one answers, and he takes that as a cue to continue. You’re pretty sure there actually are a few kids missing, but you suppose no one gives a damn, or no one is cruel enough to point out their absence.

The teacher opens up a powerpoint on his computer, the slow operation being visible on the projection for all of you to see, and a textbook image of a penis is the first thing to slap everyone’s faces when the file opens up. You make a face and see Karkat start to sink in his chair from the corner of your eye, using both of his hands to hide half of his face with the collar of his white t-shirt. You look around to check if Nepeta and Aradia are among the chairs as well, and you see them whispering to one another near the front of the group. Good thinking you had made there, sitting in the back with the boys and away from the girls. You bet this would be ten times more awkward with them right next to you. You turn your head a little to take a peek at Gamzee’s face and he glances back at you right away, face strangely blank. You purse your lips and look back at the teacher, who seems to be having trouble changing the slide. Nevermind. This would probably be awkward with Gamzee sitting right next to you too. You try not to think about that.

The teacher manages to change the page to one with writing on it, and begins to read out loud the goal of the class and what you would be learning.

“As you probably know, adolescence begins with puberty. That is when a child, a young girl or a young boy, start to develop to finally become a man or a woman. Can anyone tell me what those changes consist of?” The teacher falls silent as he waits for a reply. Raises his eyebrows when no one offers a response. Shrugs when a minute passes, and then he answers his own question. “Mental changes, social changes, and obviously, physical changes.” He takes a moment before raising his voice. “Breasts appear in some, hips will widen or shoulders in others, hair begins to grow in odd places, voices change, the-” you decide to block him out and instead lower your stare to look at you hands. You already know all of that. Everyone knows all of that, you’re 17, for God’s sake. Which means he will make this as lengthy and painful as possible, taking as much time as he pleases to get to the specific topic of sex and pregnancy prevention, or whatever the hell this class was supposed to be about from the beginning.

About 10 minutes pass by until you casually lift your eyes to make sure he doesn’t call your name for not paying enough attention, and you hear him speak. “Uterus, ovaries, cervix, vagina-” you block him out. He’s just pointing with a finger at the image, reciting names as naturally as if he were reading the table of contents at the back of a juice box. Opening his eyes and raising his eyebrows, moving his arms about and taking a few steps here and there when he starts to go on about a certain body part. You’re definitely not a fan of this. You wonder if anyone is even paying attention. You glance at Karkat again, and see him wrestle his hand away from Gamzee’s, only to receive a poke in his side that makes him fight an angry giggle.

It was almost a week ago that you sent Gamzee that stupid message, and the reply still rings in your head whenever you look at the two of them. “ _Nah, we ain’t being all like dating or anything, dogg. He’s got the hots for some other ninja anywho. Why you askin’?_ ”. His reply had made you sigh as deeply as your lungs could go with relief, something that weirded you out after you caught yourself doing it. After all, you didn’t care at all. Why would you care? There isn’t a single reason why. They still look like they are more than friends though, which is the reason why you keep on obsessing over it. Obsessing? No, scratch that. You are completely indifferent to Gamzee’s relationship status, or theirs, for that matter.

You look up at the teacher after tearing your eyes away from their small, childish fight.

“Erection.” And your eyes are back to Gamzee because you really don’t want to see the slide that goes along with the word. You see Gamzee laugh as he looks at the image, ignoring Karkat’s shoves completely, and suddenly he leans closer to you in an attempt to whisper.

“Ain’t that being kinda like a little too fucking big for the dude’s little bod?” You bite your lips to hide your smile as you dare take a peek, and you shake your head.

“I don’t, know?”

“It definitely fucking is. Well endowed motherfucker.”

“Gamzee, shut up!” Karkat hisses and punches his stomach before lowering his eyes and sinking on the chair again. You wonder if he’s alright.

“And look at his fucking tiny ass balls!” This time you cover your eyes and begin to laugh, trying your best to stifle it. You can hear a guy sitting in front of you laugh before turning his head back to reply with an “I was thinking the same thing! what the fuck?” that had Gamzee bending over himself to avoid laughing too loud.

“Shh…” you try to get Gamzee to be quiet for good measure.

“Bro, they done look like some motherfucker went all at grabbing a pair of wrinkled up motherfucking raisins and fucking glued them on with toothpaste or some shit like that.” The guy in front crosses the line and loudly cracks up before covering his mouth rapidly, and the teacher falls silent only a second after.

“Um, excuse me?” Your lips become a tight line as you elbow Gamzee’s ribs to get him to shut up. “Care to share the joke with the rest of the class?” Oh God, he’s looking at Gamzee. You look at him just as he straightens up, his face trying to remain serious. He doesn’t reply to the teacher. Doesn’t really even blink. You guess he fears he will burst out laughing again if he even opens his mouth. “No?” Gamzee shakes his head slowly, eyes fixed on the short man. “Very well…” The teacher looks at the slideshow on the board for a moment, time in which Karkat hisses a “you fucking idiot!” to your friend.

“Well, maybe you can tell us about a few contraceptive methods you know of, then?”

“Uh…” You see Karkat sink so low in his chair you’re sure he will fall off. “What?”

“Methods to avoid pregnancy after intercourse. Birth control.”

“Oh!” He scratches his sharp jaw carefully before replying. “Pulling out?” You hear the low murmur of childish chuckles from everywhere around you.

“That is… not always effective. Any other?”

“Condoms?”

“Yes, very good. Go on.”

“Being gay?” The teacher’s eyes widen immediately, and you hear actual laughter coming from all directions now.

“I, um, I suppose that is right in some way, but...” He frowns and you can tell he’s having a hard time finding the right words. “Thank you. Let’s continue.” He’s visibly uncomfortable. You guess he decided on not saying anything more to avoid sounding homophobic and hurting someone’s feelings, which is something you find yourself appreciating. Maybe he’s not that bad of a substitute teacher. You glance at Gamzee and he gives you a triumphant grin from ear to ear that you can’t help but giggle at. “Let’s talk about the risks of what you people call ‘pulling out’.”

“Oh God, why?” You hear Karkat whine before covering his face. “This is all your fault, you cocklicking wretched shitwad!” He turns his body to face Gamzee and avoid looking to the front by accident. He looks pale. Very, very pale and almost green.

“Is… he okay?” You dare to lean closer to Gamzee and ask in a whisper, but Karkat seems to have heard anyways from the way he’s glaring at you now. Gamzee tears his eyes from the teacher to look at you again.

“He’s sex repulsed.” He says simply, and you make an ‘oh’ with your mouth before nodding. Karkat rolls his eyes deeply and flips you off with whatever strength he has left in his body.

“This is disgusting. I should have killed myself before this. No, you know what? I should have been smart and left with Sollux. God knows what the fuck he’s doing right now, if it isn’t sitting right here by my side taking in all this goddamned dick talk. Smart asshole must be playing some stupid fucking game in his shitty-ass smartphone somewhere else while i’m stuck here, Goddammit, I hate him so fucking much.”

“I’d say hate is all about the exact fucking opposite feeling what you got all-”

“Shut the hell up, I wasn’t even talking to you!” Gamzee gets cut off and he just shrugs before mimicking the action of zipping up his mouth with his hand. You look at Karkat again, who seems to have gained some color in his face again; but he looks even worse than before. Angrier, somehow.

You take a peek at the old clock on the opposite wall and realize that the torture is almost done. You sigh deeply in relief, and just mute out the teacher for whatever is left of the painful class.

* * *

 

  
  


You’re just getting out of History class when you see him in the hall. You can tell he has been waiting for you, since he’s leaning against the wall and grins widely when he sees you walking towards him. He doesn’t have History with you, and you had honestly thought he had gone home by now to enjoy his Friday.

“Hey bro!” He waves at you when you’re in hearing rage and you smile.

“Hey, dude. Everything alright?” You look at him as he smooths his hair back with both of his hands, but the thick curls end up falling over his forehead immediately after, stubbornly.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, I just wanted to all up and being to ask you something.” He licks his lips over a few times and you wonder if he can taste the gray makeup that’s covering them. You wonder if it bothers him, or if it tastes funny.

“Okay?”

“Right, so… You like football? There’s a game all to be going on tonight, and this one fucker in art class was selling tickets a bit cheaper so I went and bought a few of them. And then I thought ‘hey maybe this motherfucker would like to go and tag along or some shit’ so like, you wanna go with me?” You raise your eyebrows when he’s done speaking. He sounds kind of nervous for some reason.

“You mean, here in the school?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t it, tonight though?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, um, well…” You say with a chuckle. “You already bought the tickets, so it would be kind of wrong to waste them, I think… So, Sure. It might be fun.” You finish with an unsure shrug.

“Fucking wicked bitchtits!” he claps his hands once and kind of bounces in place, which you have to admit looks both cute and stupid as can be. “Shit’s gonna be all and starting at 6. You want me to drive you home to get changed or whatever? I got the motherfucking car.” You consider this for a moment.

“No, it’s fine.”

“Aight. Can you come with me to the shitter, I gotta try to get this shit off.” You nod as you watch him run a careful hand through his hair. The black strands on the back of his head have been partially covered in now dried up red paint. It looks as if someone decided they wanted to dye it with acrylics without him being aware of the plan for the most part. Based on the chosen color, you think it’s safe to assume it was Terezi trying to play a prank on him.

“Are you sure, that’s going to come off?” You ask with a chuckle, and he looks alarmed for a moment.

“Uh-”

“Is that cherry I smell?” You hear a mocking voice coming from behind you, and you spot Terezi making her way down the hall with Nepeta by her side. “It is!”

“Yo, does this shit come off?” Gamzee asks both of the girls, who just giggle as a response. “mother fuck, sis!”

“Be grateful for your makeover, Gamzee. You smell wonderful for a change. Peanut butter boy is sure to appreciate it, at least!” You don’t even have to ask if you are ‘peanut butter boy’.

They walk right past you and keep on going down the hall and towards the exit, not even once looking back.

“Fuck it, man.” He shrugs with a smile and begins to walk towards the exit as well. “Ya feel like snatching some shit to munch on while we get our wait on, motherfucker?.”

* * *

 

 

The air thickens with excitement as the bleachers begin to fill. Everywhere you look you see crowds of people beginning to gather and chant loudly, only to dissolve into smaller groups to either buy something to eat, or find a seat. You’re really enjoying the atmosphere here, even if football is most definitely not your favorite sport. You basically only agreed to come because Gamzee seemed excited about the idea, and because he invited you. You would never consciously make the decision to spend money on football game tickets, or in any other kind of sports meetup for that matter.

You don’t even know how the game works. You probably wouldn’t be able to notice if someone makes a touchdown or your team wins the game. You guess you will have to follow the crowd’s reactions to know what to do. Now that you think of it, you don’t even know which high school you’re supposed to be playing with. Does it say it somewhere? You look around and try to find your desired answer. Your eyes widen. The name ‘Beverson High’ is neatly written after a sweet “Welcome” on a large, colorful poster.

“Here bro.” You jump in your seat when you feel Gamzee’s hand press against your shoulder, and you whip your head around to look at him. He’s handing you a huge cup of soda. You look down at it and take it from him, trying to look as if you hadn’t just seen a ghost. “… Everything alright, man?” You raise your eyebrows and make eye contact for a second before looking away.

“Uh…”

“Bro, if you ain’t all being to liking coke or whatever, you can just tell me and I’ll go right up and bring you another-”

“No Gamzee, it’s fine, thank you.” You force a smile on your lips and take a few sips to convince him. He shrugs and smiles and puts down his own cup on the floor.

“Holy fuck, those skirts are short as fuck.” He says when he looks at the ground level, and you see the cute group of cheerleaders chatting and stretching, preparing for the big night ahead of them. You nod and giggle.

“Totally.” You say. “Not that I am, complaining, haha. About the lack of, length of said skirts, I mean.” Gamzee laughs and shakes his head before looking straight ahead. You see his hands clasped tight and his thumbs rolling over each other. You remember him being kind of nervous when he was inviting you to this game. Your palms start to feel cold, and you focus on the cheerleaders even more when the thought of him intending this to be some kind of date hits you. You feel your cheeks feel a bit fuzzy and you want to slap them. That’s ridiculous. This is most definitely _not_ a date. You would have had to agree for this to be a date for it to be one in the first place.

You look up and spot the poster again. Suddenly this date matter doesn’t feel as pressing as the fact that a certain person from that high school could be close by. You put your cup down, because you are suddenly feeling a little nauseous.

Out of all the High schools. Out of all the game of the season that are most likely coming up, you had to agree to come to the one featuring that damn school. Just how dumb can you be?

You rub your face with your hands and sigh dramatically before scanning the crowds once more. You really don’t see anyone that goes to that school anywhere near you, judging by the fashion choices of everyone around you. You seem to have picked an area soaked up in your own  high school’s pride.

“Dude, you comin’ or not?” You look to your side to look at Gamzee, who is trying to speak on the phone over the noise. He seems to be having a hard time hearing right, and the game hasn’t even started. You suddenly remember you’re not too much of a fan of loud noises. You’re sure your head will be throbbing a few hours from now. “On the bleachers, bro. Right where the cheerleading babes are standing, motherfucker.” You suppose he’s talking to Karkat. You look down to stare at the ‘cheerleading babes’ for a while to distract yourself, and you see Karkat going up the bleachers towards you sooner than you had thought.

“Hey.” He greets the both of you with a tired sigh and a face that screams that he does not want to be here at all.

“Where’s Sollux?” Gamzee asks him.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know? Fucking douchefuck isn’t answering my messages. He isn’t answering my calls either. He said he would be here 30 minutes ago, but, wow, will you look at that? He’s not here! Stupid fucking pretentious waste of space.” You frown for a second at how dramatic he’s being, but you make sure to erase that expression from your face as soon as you can. You’re sure Karkat will hit you if he notices you’re looking at him funny.

“Fuck… Want me to call him?”

“What for? He won’t answer you either.”

“How do you know?” Karkat rolls his eyes and doesn’t respond. Instead, he looks down to the field to watch as the players begin to enter, and makes a face when the people around him begin to cheer way too loud.

“I hate this sport.” He lets you know.

“Sollux? What’s up bro!” Karkat turns around so quickly that you think it must have hurt him, and in the blink of an eye Gamzee’s cell phone is being crushed in his small hand and pressed against his own ear.

“Well hello you bullshitting assgabbing bastard!” You look at Gamzee and he shrugs, chuckling. “Wait, hold on, what?” The sudden change in his tone of voice takes you by surprise. “Fucking slow down, I can’t hear you.” Karkat covers his other ear with his hand and frowns as he attempts to listen. He glances at you, then at Gamzee, and promptly stands up, phone securely glued against his ear and his other hand attempting to block out anything else that isn’t Sollux’s voice. “Wait- _oh my god, shut the hell up_!” You hear him shriek at the people he’s walking by as he goes down the bleachers, and most of them go quiet as they look at him curiously. You watch him get to the ground and walk towards the parking lot with hurried steps, apparently still yelling from the way people turn to look at him. He bumps into a girl and quickly pushes past her, making her turn her head. And you freeze.

She actually came. You’re so fucked.

She looks after Karkat with a face that suggests she wants to yell at him for pushing her, but she seems more interested in her conversation with the guy in front of her. She’s talking with Equius, a friend of Nepeta, and now that you remember, also a friend of hers. She looks your way and scans the bleachers, but doesn’t seem to do such a huge effort like to see you. She looks away. You sigh, and close your eyes.

“You doing fine, brother?” Gamzee elbows you softly, and you look up at him.

“Um, yes, but… uh…” You feel a little guilty for what you’re about to ask him. “Gamzee, can we go, maybe?”

“You mean… Leave this fucking place and go somewhere else or some shit?” He looks confused. You nod.

“I’m sorry, I… I’ll explain it, to you later, I guess, but can we go now?” You suppose you owe him an explanation after acting like such an inconvenience. He waits a second before just shrugging and standing up.

“Aight, let’s get going motherfucker.” He begins to go down the bleachers and you do the same. You try to stay close to his side, since you’re about to walk past the girl you’re trying to avoid, and you hope his body will be a good enough cover. You walk past her. Hear her voice and all of the hairs on your body stand on end. Part of you had missed that low tone. Part of you feels nauseous at the sound of it.

You walk quickly, getting away from that haunting, honeyed voice. Gamzee starts to jog a little when you start to walk too fast, and you make your way around the parking lot and into the grass area that surrounds the playing field. You can still hear the heavy noise from the game right next to you as you stand there on the grass, away from the bright lights and people. It’s starting to get dark.

Gamzee waits a full minute before letting his curiosity get the best of him.

“The fuck happened, bro? Something gone wrong?” You turn your face to look at him. You look away to the playing field and see the players run around and push each other, which looks kind of funny from your distance. Like huge bugs fighting for food.

“I saw someone, and, I kind of really didn’t want her to see me too, so…” You purse your lips. “I’m sorry. I should have told you to, stay there, or something. You didn’t have to come with me, really, and now maybe you won’t be able to get back in the game.” You rub the bridge of your nose. That had been selfish. You hear him chuckle.

“Naw bro, it’s all motherfucking fine. I done went and invited you cause I wanted you to hang with me and shit, so whatever. Don’t matter if you’d rather get your chill on out here in the wicked soft grass.” You smile at him.

“Uh, thanks, I think.”

“Sure man.” He pats your back and lets his hand just rest there for a while before just putting his arm around you. You’re kind of cold, so that action is rather appreciated. It’s just friendly anyways, or so you hope. “So whatever the fuck did this chick do to get you all creeped out and wanting to get the fuck away from her like that?”

“Um…” You hesitate before replying. “She’s my, ex girlfriend, actually.” You glance up at him and see him flinch.

“... Aight?”

“We didn’t really, break up in a good way, I think…” You begin. The memories of your time with Vriska start to flood your mind rapidly. “Uh, she was kinda mean to me, I guess, and I got tired of it and told her to stop, but she didn’t want to listen. So… we got in a big fight. And, I mean, I understand why she acted like that all the time, and I appreciate the reason behind it, but it was just kinda really tiring.” You see him nod from the corner of your eye. “I kind of… feel guilty, for some reason, for breaking up with her so suddenly I mean. Or maybe I miss her despite that, because she was still, a rather good friend, sometimes.” You want to say that maybe you still like her, but you catch yourself before that. Saying that might make you realize you’re right. You don’t want that. You’re doing extremely fine without her. You don’t get sad anymore because of her.

“She still wasn’t all treating you right like she all and should be doing though, being your chick and all that, right?” He says. You frown a little.

“Um, yeah. That’s what I’m saying, I guess.”

“Then you definitely didn’t motherfucking need her bro. Sister didn’t deserve to be fucking near you, you can’t all be an ass to your friends or to the one you’re suppose to love and shit, right? Shit’s not right, there ain't any kinda reason behind it what can justify that shit, bro.” You chuckle once he’s done speaking.

“Yeah.” you say. “you’re right.” He waits a second before pulling you into a tight hug. It takes you by surprise, and you’re not sure why he thinks you needed it. But you realize you do need it. You cried a lot when you broke up with her, but you were so preoccupied with ignoring her and everything about your past relationship with her that you didn’t really get to dwell on it all, and get over it. Didn’t really talk about it with Aradia all that much like to achieve any kind of closure related feelings.

You hug him back. Feel like you want to cry, but you try your hardest not to do so. He hugs you tighter when he feels you hug back, and kisses the top of your head softly. You giggle against his shoulder because God is he freaking tall, and you poke his side sharply to stop him from keeping on kissing your head like that. He flinches away and lets you go, letting a high pitched giggle escape from him. You poke his side again for the hell of it, and then you’re ticking him because that nervous laugh he’s making is outright hilarious and it’s making you laugh as well. He tries to tickle you back, but you’re not really all that ticklish. That seems to frustrate him, because he opts for picking you up over his shoulder and throwing you on the grass quite roughly, making you scream and laugh even louder.

He gets on top of you and keeps on trying to tickle you, and you giggle just a little to give him a bit of satisfaction. Your hands are at his sides again only a second after, and he grabs your wrists tightly to pin them over your head and stop you.

“Let, go!” You tell him, breathless. He just looks at you as he smiles brightly.

“Naw.” He winks at you with a damn smug look on his face. You fight against him, but give up shortly after. He’s too strong.

And he just looks at you. Looks at you, and let’s his smile become a small one while you nibble on your lips, starting to feel a bit nervous from his silence. He gets a bit closer, leaning lower. His eyes are on your own and on your lips intermittently, and you feel your heartbeat quickening. You don’t even have time to remember that this is incredibly wrong before you hear someone approaching quite rapidly, and you turn your head to the side to see who it is. Gamzee doesn’t let go of you as he looks up as well.

“There you fucking are! Can you- The fuck are you doing?” It’s Karkat. He groans and rolls his eyes before speaking even louder. “Get off that fucking tool! And drive me to Sollux’s house please, the fucking retard is freaking me out and I need to check on him.” Gamzee licks his lips and lets go of you. Stands up slowly and helps you up as well, chuckling.

“Aight, chill. Let’s go bro.” You try to dust off your pants and shirt with your hands before following them. "the car's right over this motherfucking way."

You follow Gamzee and Karkat through the abundant lines of parked cars. You get inside in the back of the old car without another word as Karkat gets in the passenger’s seat, and you're immediately on the street, probably driving a bit too fast.

"Sooo, the fucks up with Sollux?" Gamzee tries to get Karkat to talk, who is oddly quiet as he looks through the window and through his phone intermittently.

"Ugh. His fucking idiot piece of shit new doctor had the amazingly great fucking idea to lower the dose of his meds, AND add a fucking antidepressant. Like, who even does that kinda shit? He's a fucking educated douchebag, he's supposed to have gone to med school. You don't give people like Sollux antidepressants. It fucks them up, for whatever reason, I don't fucking know but god fucking dammit, he sure fucking should!" You see Gamzee nod slowly as he listens.

"Dr. Jaden?" He says.

"I don't know?"

"Cause I had that motherfucker before I had to change, and he didn't know shit, motherfucker." He laughs softly. You're feeling a bit uncomfortable. You're pretty sure they forgot you're sitting quietly in the back, specially Karkat.

"Might be him then. Or maybe all those assholes are utterly useless and he's fucking wasting his time and money. You have to make a right here." You look out the window as Gamzee turns and enters a narrow street, noticing the rather pretty houses. Bigger than the ones in your area.

He stops at a house almost at the end of the street, and parks on the porch.

"Want us to tag along?" Gamzee turns the keys and the motor goes quiet. Karkat seems to think it through.

"No. I don't think he'd be too fucking delighted with me for bringing in more unexpected visitors." He opens the door without another word on the issue and steps out, waving at the both of you before making his way to the front door and getting inside the house. You realize he has a copy of Sollux's house keys.

Gamzee is quiet for a moment, lost in his thoughts as he looks at the lights inside the house start to turn on as Karkat makes his way to Sollux’s room, probably.

"Where to?" He says after a while, turning the keys again to make the motor come back to life before pulling out back into the narrow passage and into the main street again.

“Um, how about, home?” You say.

“Sure thing, motherfucker.”

 

The drive to your house is quiet. You really don't have anything to say, and he seems to be lost in his thoughts. At least he's paying proper attention to the street as he drives.

You arrive soon since Sollux’s house isn't that far from your own. You step out of the car and go around it to reach Gamzee's window. He rolls it down and stares at you with that sweet smile of his, that you actually just now are beginning to think is actually cute.

"Um, it’s kinda late..." You say, hesitating. "Do you want to spend the night here, maybe? We can order pizza. Well, if my dad doesn't say anything, against it, I guess. About the pizza I mean, haha." He grins from ear to ear.

"Sure bro!" He gets out of the car and pockets his keys without you having to say anything else, and he follows you to the front door almost eagerly. Is this the first time he spends the night at your place? You realize it really is.

"Dad, I'm home." You call out when you step inside your warm house. Your father looks at you over his shoulder from the large couch and waves at you before frowning slightly.

"Who's that...? Oh, it's that friend of yours."

"Yeah, um, his name is Gamzee."

"Yeah, I remember. How are you, kid?" You give Gamzee a sharp look before he replies in hopes of him remembering that curse words aren't a thing he should be saying around your dad so generously.

"Pretty... good." He replies with a grin, and you nod at him in approval.

"Nice." Your dad smiles and turns his head around to continue watching television. He's watching ' _Lost_ ', or ' _Forever_ '. You really aren't sure, and you don't really care.

You stop by the kitchen to raid the fridge and see what you can get upstairs, and find a few cans of coke and sprite that you offer Gamzee. You also find a huge plate of pasta that you guess you can share with him as well, instead of ordering a pizza. You check the pantry and take out a few small bags of chips and cookies, and you march upstairs with the loot, with Gamzee trailing after you.

You tell Gamzee to wait in your room and get comfortable while you go heat up the pasta. You serve it in different plates and bring it back up, where you find your friend sprawled on your bed as he taps on his phone's screen rapidly. You set the plates and the forks on your desk, going straight to your tv to set up your playstation. You haven't asked him if he even wants to play a video game yet, but what kind of kid would reject video games? None that you know of for sure.

The menu soon appears on the tv, and the noise it makes accompanied with your shuffling around in the search of the joystick catches his attention.

"Woah dude, you done got one of those things?"

"Uh, yeah. Do you want to play Sonic, maybe?" You wait for his response as you look through the digital games you have installed.

"Motherfucking yes." He throws his phone somewhere in your bed and sits up, scooting closer to the edge to watch the screen as you bring the game to life.

"I only have, one controller though... Sorry. But we can take turns." You turn your face around to look at him, and he grins back at you as he gives you a double thumbs up. You sit beside him on the bed, facing the wall opposite, where the tv is at. "I haven't played this one yet, so I hope it’s fun..." You say, moving the analog stick on the joystick with your thumb from side to side as you endure the loading screen. Seeing that the game is taking so long, Gamzee gets up to fetch the plates and sets yours in the mattress beside your leg. He digs in as if he hasn't eaten the whole day, even though he actually has eaten quite a lot.

The game ends up being such a train wreck that you begin to regret buying that digital copy. But at least Gamzee seems to be enjoying himself, not seeming to be annoyed by the eternal loading screens or the bizarre story. You don't think he's played enough games like to be able to judge it as mercilessly as you are doing it anyways. You find yourself enjoying the game despite its unforgivable flaws only because Gamzee is laughing so much at how many times you're dying thanks to the glitches, and at just how much he sucks when you hand him the controller from time to time. His laugh is just so contagious. Contagious and kind of endearing despite how loud it can be. You think it’s cute how he snorts every now and then by accident; Not that your laugh is any more graceful.

He looks back when his phone vibrates and you turn your face away from the game to peer at what he’s doing. Sonic dies. By the looks of it, Gamzee’s reading a message. You get back to the game and hear him tap on the screen for a while. He makes this small sound that could signify either frustration or reticence, and he throws his phone aside again. You look at him, but you're not nosy enough like to ask him what that was about.

You play in silence for a while more, managing to not die so often now that you have gotten a hang of it. You see Gamzee lay on his back from the corner of your eye, and hear him chuckle softly.

“Bro, you know why cannibals don’t eat clowns?” He says. You pause the game and snort with a frown. Is that a joke?

“Um. I don’t know, why?”

“‘Cause they fucking taste funny!” He says, and you look at him.

“That is, not all that funny, really.” You chuckle anyways, and he begins to laugh really loud at his own joke.

“Fuck you bro, it’s motherfucking hilarious!” You begin to laugh along with him and shove a hand in his stomach for the ‘fuck you’. You turn your head around and go back to the game once his laugh begins to die down. “You know, my uncle used to be a motherfucking circus clown before he went all and died on us.” He says, and you pause the game yet again to look at him curiously. He’s staring at the ceiling. “... I remember all his fucking friends coming to the funeral in just one car.” He waits a second before shifting his eyes to look at you, his lips pressed into a tight line as he waits for your reaction. You raise an eyebrow. God, that was a terrible joke.

“Okay, that one was funny.” You laugh as you finish the sentence, because you really can’t help it. It’s so bad that it’s good. He breaks out laughing along with you, and accidentally kicks your back when he tries to sit up. “Hey!” You push his leg away roughly and tickle his stomach with a devious grin, and he outright screams.

“Shit stop!” You torture him for a little while before he gets frustrated and manages to bite your hand in a desperate way to get you to stop.

“No!” You snatch your hand away rapidly and rub the slightly sore spot. He bites his own lips and winks at you, and you bet his face is red as can be under that white and grey makeup.

He decides on sitting up and sitting cross legged to watch you play some more, apparently running out of jokes for the night.

After the sodas and chips are done for and the game becomes more annoying than fun, you decide its time to turn the thing off and check the time. It's 1 AM. Not _that_ late, but still late enough like for your eyes to feel tired and for Gamzee to start yawning. You hear footsteps go up the stairs and then your dad opens your bedroom door to peek inside.

"Go to sleep!" He mock hisses as if on cue, and steps in completely to dump a box on the floor carelessly. He bends down and sets an electric inflator down beside the box as well. "Inflate it before I go to sleep, you hear?" He raises his eyebrows at you. "Meaning now, cause its loud as heck."

"Uh... okay."

"And brush your teeth."

"Dad, I'm not a, kid!" His deep laugh echoes through the corridor as he walks down to his room, and you sigh quite dramatically. You can feel Gamzee eyeing you as you wait a few seconds. "Okay, lets, get ready for bed."

You get up and show Gamzee the way to the bathroom, handing him an unopened toothbrush you found inside a drawer. You leave him to his business while you unbox the inflatable mattress your father left behind, and while you stick the plastic tube on the respective hole, you dwell on the fact that your dad wanted you to sleep on different beds. Is it because you're not a child anymore, and sleeping with someone is just an uncomfortable thought for him? Is it because Gamzee is a guy like you? Maybe he thought you both wouldn't fit in your bed? You think you are probably over thinking.

Gamzee steps back into your room, making a face at the loud noise the inflator is doing and proceeds to hunt down the baggy shirt he had let you borrow last week. You feel a little guilty for not returning it without him having to remind you sooner, but at least you washed it. Well, you shouldn't really feel bad. He hasn't given you your shirt back either. You also haven't asked.

He takes off his jacket and his shirt, and you avert your eyes to mind your own business. You finish inflating the annoying thing and set the inflator aside. You get up and take a few blankets out of your closet, and you make him an improvised bed with them and one of your pillows while he takes off his pants and just sits on your bed in his boxers and baggy shirt.

You sigh once you're ready, feeling twice as tired.

He slowly slides off your bed and pretends to pass out on the inflatable mattress, face sinking down in your pillow. You laugh at him softly and change into your pajamas, taking advantage of the fact that he can't see you. You leave him alone to brush your teeth in the bathroom, and when you get back, he’s in the same exact position. Just as you're ready to hop into your own bed and sleep at last, something hits you.

"Uh, hey, don't get my pillow dirty, with that stuff." You say. He raises his face immediately and turns to lay on his back instead, apparently understanding what you meant. "Uh..." You stare at him. He stares back. "I think you better take it off."

"Nah."

"I don't, trust you. You're totally, going to turn around, eventually." You put your hands on your hips. You’re convinced that stuff is gonna be hell to clean up if it gets absorbed by the fabric of the white pillow case. Your dad would be more than annoyed.

He makes that same frustrated small noise he made before, but this time you know why. But he obliges eventually and gets off his ass to rush to the bathroom and take off his greasepaint. You wait, and wait, and just hop into your bed to wait for him in a more comfortable position since he’s taking so long. You're almost unconscious when he makes an appearance.

"All motherfucking better?" He points at his face and gives you a purposefully fake smile before chuckling, and he walks towards the lamp to turn off the light. You use that time to stare at his clean face for the first time. He looks so different that you'd say he's almost handsome, you guess. You try not to think about it. But it's not a guessing matter, really. He definitely looks handsome that way, even though he looks really tired and is chewing on his own bottom lip, probably trying to carefully rip off a piece of skin.

He walks back to his bed once the room is dark, and he almost trips.

"Fuck!" He laughs it off and covers his body up to his neck, turning around to lay flat on his stomach now that he is free to do so. You look at your wall, which has glow in the dark Fiduspawn stickers that came in juice boxes a few months ago. They barely even glow anymore.

Gamzee mumbles something when his phone buzzes right next to your ear, on your bed. You grab it and glance at it quickly before handing it to him. There was an image of an envelope with the name ‘Karkat’ written right below it.

Gamzee turns on his back again and opens the text, and he just stares at it for a while. The blue glow is lighting up his face considerably, and you casually lay on your side to look at him. His hair has fallen back and away from his forehead thanks to gravity, and that just lets you appreciate his natural features even more. He glances at you, but you know he can't see you with the light in front of him. He has really long eyelashes, and maybe too many of them. He puts the phone away before you can examine him in detail for any longer, and you feel a tinge of disappointment. You're just curious.

"You should, maybe leave it off, more often."

"What?"

"The clown stuff. Paint, I mean."

"Oh. Why though?"

"Uh, I don't know." You really don't know why you even told him that. "The chicks, would probably dig it." You say, just to give him a reason. He chuckles then, but it sounds as if he's laughing at you.

"Why? You think I done and look cute or some shit like that?"

You snort on purpose.

"No." You spit out immediately, but maybe it came out as mean because he's not saying anything in response now. "I mean, uh, you're not ugly or anything, at all really, I just... Um. Nevermind." He chuckles lightly, and you curse your eyes for not adjusting soon enough to the dark like to see his expression clearly.

"Is it just me, or your room is motherfucking cold as fuck?" He says out of the blue, and you frown slightly.

"Uh... It's fine to me." You realize you should have probably given him more blankets. Do you even have more blankets? You doubt it. "Er. If you're too cold, I can let you borrow a sweater. Or pants. Or you can, sleep here in my bed. It's actually big enough for the both of us, I'm pretty sure." You say, thinking the last option is the easiest for you right now since you're tired and you're comfortable and you really don't wanna get up.

He responds by getting up himself and making you scoot closer to the wall to see if he fits. It's not all that crowded. He moves closer to you and sort of hugs you sideways.

"Fuck, you're warm." He chuckles and nuzzles his face in your chest, making you giggle in response. You try to push him away, unsuccessful.

"Yes, I suppose." He tries to tangle his legs with yours. "Gamzee!" His feet are really, really cold. You give in and let him have his way, but his phone vibrates yet again all too soon. He makes that pitiful noise again, but he doesn't move to check it. You point out the obvious.

"Your phone, vibrated."

"I know."

"Aren't you gonna, answer it, maybe?"

"Nah I know who it is and what the motherfucker is all and wanting."

"Oh."

"It's Karkat." You nod.

"Is he, uh, okay?"

"Yeah the dude is all kinds of motherfucking fine as mirthful tits. He's like, worried about me or some shit though." You take a moment to reply.

"Um, why would he be worried? For you, that is."

"Motherfucker is all in the knowing of certain things and doesn't think I'm doing shit the right fucking way like he says."

"Okay... Shit like what, exactly?"

"Bro, it's fine don't worry ‘bout it." That seems to be his version of 'stop asking' or 'mind your own business', apparently.

"... Alright." You say, and he is quiet for a minute. He just lies there, forehead pressed against you, and his index finger writing mindless patterns on your chest, over your shirt.

He decides to move though, and he does so suddenly. He stretches and reaches his phone, and takes a quick look at it before typing a short reply and tucking it under the pillow. He lays flat on his back. He breathes in deeply, and you guess he's ready to fall asleep. You close your eyes, let random thoughts and images slip across your mind, and you feel him move again after a while. You ignore it. He murmurs your name and you feel his breath on your face, and your eyes flicker open instantly.

"What?" You whisper, blinking a few times. You were almost a goner already. He either stayed quiet for a long while, or you're just really sleepy.

"I gotta get all being to tell you something." He says, his tone too serious for your liking. You frown and move your face back an inch since he is lying sideways again, facing you.

"Is... Something wrong?" Now that your eyes are fully adjusted, you can see his face as clearly as the lack of light will allow you to. And he doesn't look all that well.

"Naw. Just need you to motherfucking listen, is all."

"Um, okay." He falls quiet. Seconds go by, and he’s just looking at you. You're trying to read his face really hard. More time passes. You're getting anxious. Is he about to do what you think he's going to do? Please no. No, anything but that. You find yourself selfishly hoping that what he's about to say has something to do with a tragedy of some sort. You're just that anxious.

"I like you, Tav." He says quickly, pushing the words out. Your chest tightens and you frown. You play dumb.

"What, do you mean, ‘like’...?" He makes a face. You feel kinda sorry for him.

"I mean I done and motherfucking love you, Tavros." He says much more calmly, making sure it was clear.

You don't move. You have no idea what face you're making, but you're sure that you look shocked to say the least. You swallow a tight knot. Loves you? That's more than you thought he felt. He can't love you. Can't feel so strongly about you when you're not even sure what you feel for him. Do you love him? You don't think so. "You're just so motherfucking funny and great and nice and a whole motherfucking bunch of other good shit like that all together shoved inside one motherfucking perfect person..." You raise your eyebrows. You wanna retort with an 'I’m not perfect' but you think that's probably the dumbest response you can give him right now. So you stay quiet. He's so close to you that you can still feel his breathing. It has quickened considerably and you can tell he's nervous as fuck. “... Bro?”

What's even the proper response in this situation? You can't lie to him and tell him you love him too, or like him that way, even. You wouldn't consider it anyways, actually. But you don't want to turn him down either. You have to say something, do something. He's starting to look crestfallen and scared. He surely regrets telling you. You think you might just feel something for him. You think that the fact that its _him_ and not _her_ is the reason why you’re digging your nails into your palms, holding yourself back from even thinking about him being with you romantically. Guys aren't supposed to like guys, and despite not thinking anything of it in Gamzee's case, you still think it's very wrong and not normal at all. It's wrong for _you_. Even if he treats you better than anybody ever has, even if you feel so at home just by being by his side, even if he’s the one you’re caught up thinking about when you wake up in the morning and when you drift off to sleep at night.

You get closer to him. You look at his parted lips. You can't decipher the look on his face for the life of you, but he tests the waters by brushing your cheek with his fingers, and getting closer as well. You let him do that. Your stomach tightens and you feel a distinct buzz inside of you.

And then you quickly close the small distance between you two, and you're kissing. Your toes curl and you lose your breath almost instantly when you hear him gasp against your lips. He softly presses them against yours again.

His lips are very chapped, unlike what you expected, and you can taste the toothpaste’s mint and a stubborn tinge of soda on his mouth and breath. You move your own mouth against his, let your lips mold together as your hand goes up to grasp his hair and you feel his own fingers get an iron grip on your side, tugging your shirt. It's as if he doesn't want you to get away now. Your body doesn't want to anyways. The hand you have buried in his hair unclasps and holds on to his nape instead, pulling him closer, making him tilt his head to the side just a little more. You notice the odd gummy texture that covers some of the strands, and you hazily remember Terezi painting his hair.

He breathes through his nose on your face once, not breaking the kiss, and you relish on the warm and humid feeling of it tickling your face so directly.

His mouth parts and he shyly brushes your upper lip with the tip of his tongue before retracting it again. The wet contact makes your stomach switch sides with your heart, makes it hard for you to not dig your nails in his scalp, makes you squirm and wrap your legs around his tighty. And you exhale sharply before letting your own tongue meet his, deepening the kiss desperately, not being able to find a way to satiate the hunger you're feeling for his mouth now. Your hand tugs at his black hair maybe just a little too rough. He lets go of your shirt to bring his cold fingers to the lower end of the cloth, right by your hips, and he lifts it only an inch to timidly touch your warm skin with his fingertips, lifting goosebumps as he goes.

It's exhilarating to feel his tongue rolling over yours so softly. It feels good, so, so good and right and clumsy as fuck, but it also feels incredibly wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

You try to get a grip on your logic, even though you whole body is fighting against that. And suddenly you're pushing him away completely.

You're panting just as he is, and you just look at each other for a second. He looks confused and you bet you look even more so.

"I'm, s-sorry, I..." You murmur and swallow thickly. God, you want to kiss him some more. But you can't. Shouldn't. This is not right, not right in any way. You know it. You’ve been taught that. "Gamzee, I can't. This is, not okay, and, it's just wrong." You shake your head and bite your lip. You kinda wanna say the exact opposite, but you're not too sure anymore. "I'm sorry." You repeat in a whisper, and you hear him sigh deeply, shakily, when you decide to avoid his eyes. You glance at him fleetingly and see him nod. You bite your lip strongly. "You're a, guy."

"It’s fine bro, you don't gotta be all apologizing and explaining no shit at fucking all." You nod as well, but you feel the need to continue apologizing, because you're getting the feeling that you just fucked up, big time. You shouldn’t have kissed him. It was not fair for him.

He gets off your bed and sits on the inflatable mattress without another word, reaching under your pillow to get his phone before lying down.  He turns to face the other wall while he looks at the screen. You think you could cry right now just because of how utterly confused and conflicted and shaky you feel. You watch him for a moment before turning the other way to face your already faded Fiduspawn stickers.

You pull your knees to your chest and you fall asleep once you hear him start to snore, almost half an hour later.

* * *

 

You feel something moving you, at first softly, then more insisting. You groan, but the movement doesn't stop, and you lift your head to see who's bothering your sleep. Your eyes clear up as soon as you see it's Gamzee, face still clean, fully clothed and standing by your bed. It's already morning.

"Man, sorry but your dad told me to be all and waking you the hell up. Imma leave now too, so, see ya later or some shit." He waves at you with a smile and starts to walk towards the door.

"Uh..." You can't think of a single clever thing to say. "bye, Gamzee." He smiles at you again over his shoulder and quickly disappears through the door. You hear his heavy steps as he reaches the first floor. You hear him say goodbye to your dad, close the front door, and get in his car. And then he's completely gone.

You roll on the bed to lay on your back, your hands covering your face. Last night wasn't a dream. He really did kiss you. No, _you_ kissed him. You turned him down after all, this time with actual words.

You're feeling very, very shitty.

"Tavros, breakfast!" You hear your dad yell from downstairs. You hear your phone ringing somewhere in your room and you get up hurriedly to see if you can find it and answer the call on time.

It's Aradia.

"Uh, Hello?"

"Hello Tavros. Should I pick you up?" You frown as you try to think of a reason why she would ask that at all. Then you remember you're supposed to meet up with her and Nepeta to visit the fair that was just set up downtown.

"Oh! Well, only if it doesn't bother you..."

"Of course it doesn't. i’ll be there in half an hour."

She hangs up, and you decide that spending some time with them and having fun would be a perfect idea to forget all about Gamzee's incident. You nod to yourself with a smile, and get ready to meet your dad downstairs for some breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry bro, but bro, no homo bro. I dont even know what a dick is, because I am just THAT hetero. Bro.  
> Ugh I wanted to add more of Vriska in this chapter because I just love her so much and my hands itch to write her, but I got the feeling that it's just so overdone to have her "ruin the day" in gamtav fics. Idk! She's still my queen.  
> I hope this was somewhat enjoyable, thank you for reading and for all the feedback, you lovely peanuts <3!


	7. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gamzee is feeling terribly bl00.

You wash your face with almost freezing cold water, rubbing your eyes angrily to get rid of sleep. You look into the mirror as the cool drops fall from your chin to the sink, your tired mind waking from its haze and starting to make you think. You really don’t want to think but it seems to be the only thing you’ve been able to do these last few days, despite resisting the impulse and pressure to do so. You try to let your mind go blank, you really do, but you fail miserably. You breathe in the chilly air of the bathroom and head towards your room, drying your face with the baggy shirt you’re wearing as you walk barefoot through the dark house.

 

Your name is Gamzee Makara and you feel incredibly shitty.

 

You get back to your room and let yourself fall on the still warm bed, burying your face in the pillow. You’re so tired. Your eyes are tired, and your mind is tired. You breathe in deeply and exhale with a long grunt. You just want to sleep a bit more and not go to school, and maybe even not see anyone in the flesh for a few days. You already ran out of words and the willingness to speak when you told Karkat what you had done and he had you sitting in your room just talking for who even knows how long. He had taken a bus straight to your house on Saturday morning as soon as you told him that you weren’t feeling so hot, and he had burst right inside your house since the door was hazardously unlocked, and stepped inside your room like an unnecessary hero of some sort. You had looked away from your bright computer screen on your bed just a bit confused and he sighed as he glared at you oh so angry, but also worried.

 

“You fucking idiot.” He said before snatching your computer to set it on the floor and crawling on the bed with you to pull you into a really tight hug. You’re not very used to him being the one to show affection towards you, so you clang to him as tightly as you could when you felt his soft arms squeeze the life out of you, feeling grateful for the contact. You really needed someone to hold you, and Meulin wasn’t around to do the job (she was the only that could possibly worry enough like to do such a thing). You had tried to hold back tears right then and there, feeling like you didn’t want to make him worry even further, and like you really didn’t have a reason to be crying at all despite your broken heart. You told yourself you were probably overreacting and generally being an idiot. Karkat confirmed that you were indeed an idiot plenty of times, but he also held you and let you cry it out once the tears actually came, and told you it was going to be alright a million times. Told you he was going to rip your friend a new one for hurting you, and probably also kill him while he was at it. You told him it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t like you the same way that you liked him, that that was just how things were. You guess he kind of agreed from the way he had groaned with a roll of his eyes and stopped making promises of getting violent with Tavros a bit reluctantly. He also held himself back from saying “I told you so” which was really nice of him now that you think about it.

 

He then made his best attempt at distracting you from your troubled thoughts. He found a website where he could fill in a wide variety of tests that let you know your mental age, what type of personality you have, what animal you would be and the exact percentage of “swag” you own. He looked up some good indie horror flash games that you might enjoy, looked up some funny videos on YouTube that had you doubling over with laughter until seeing random dudebros falling off their skateboards and hitting their balls became old.  You sat there watching as he tried to hack Sollux’s Facebook account to post “I am very fucking homogay” on his status, which didn’t really work out in the end since Karkat is a horrible hacker and you know nothing about computers past that they let you chat with people and watch porn like to have offered help.

 

He helped you wash your hair and get rid of the red paint that was still clinging stubbornly to your curls, which ended up taking way longer than you had thought it would when you had started. The warm water and abundant shampoo did most of the work, but then it was up to Karkat to comb your hair carefully and slowly, dragging down the gummy paint with the thin comb until it came off. He brushed and dried it patiently with the blow drier until it felt soft and puffy, and then you went back to your room to get on your bed and cuddle under the covers. He received a call from Sollux and spoke with him while he stroked your shoulder distractedly, the sound of his voice soothing you until you almost fell asleep with your ear pressed tightly against his warm chest that felt kind of squishy even though he was binding. You eavesdropped on his side of the conversation freely, smiling a little whenever Karkat actually laughed at whatever your mutual friend had said at the other end of the line. You think they’re really cute. You think Karkat should just man up and tell him how he feels already. He has told you a million times that he knows what he’s doing, that he has to take his time, that romance is a tricky thing that has to be planned and spontaneous at the same time, but you don’t really understand why he tries to make things more complicated than they already are.

 

 

You now smile against the pillow just thinking about how good of a friend Karkat can be, thanking the fact that he cared enough like to comfort you, and also thanking the fact that he had left you alone for the most part yesterday to let you think. Even though you don’t want to think and really just want to forget how badly it had hurt when Tavros rejected you for good. The whole thing is still making you feel a bit confused. You didn’t tell Karkat about the fact that you shared a kiss right before getting rejected so suddenly out of fear of him getting angrier, so you don’t really have an outside perspective that might help you figure out if that even meant anything. Tavros was the one to kiss _you_. And what a fucking delicious kiss he had given you. It would definitely be an absolutely wonderful first kiss memory if it weren’t for the words he spoke right after interrupting it so soon. Your lips and stomach still tingle a bit from the ghost feeling of his mouth and tongue. You pull your hair out of frustration at the fact that you’re thinking about that yet again.

 

You look up from the pillow and find your phone to check the time. It’s getting late. If you get up and make your way to school, you would probably arrive several minutes after the bell. You consider just staying at home. Mondays are shit anyways. You decide that’s just what you should do. Karkat would scold you. You might miss something important, maybe some boring assignments you’d have to finish during the Holiday Break that starts this Friday, thank fucking God. You wouldn’t see Tavros. You try to decide if that’s good or bad.

 

You decide to get up and go but just as you’re standing up you second guess it and fall right back. You really don’t want to see him. Things are going to be different. You don’t like different. Different always has a chance of being bad. So you lie there again and close your eyes.

 

What if he hates you now? You wouldn’t blame him if he does. He definitely _should_ hate you from how selfish you were to risk your friendship for some romantic feelings that you already knew he didn’t share. What was the point anyways? Maybe you just still felt some childish hope of him realizing he had feelings for you once you presented the issue. But that only happens in the movies and novels that Karkat lets you borrow sometimes, or mainly just force you to enjoy in his presence. Things are going to be awkward and different because you like him and he doesn’t like you, and he won’t want anything to do with you out of fear of giving you wings or something, won’t want anything to do with you for being a guy that likes guys and being a freaking weirdo on top of it all. You’re sure of that now. You clench your fists and release a long, loud grunt against your pillow. You fucking idiot. Idiot, _idiot_ , _**idiot**_.

 

You cover yourself with the blankets up to your ears, and you hide your face in their dark softness with a tired sigh. You try to make your mind go blank. Close your eyes, breathe in slowly, and attempt to fall asleep. You only manage to do that once you decide that thinking about some lesser pains might take your mind off of the issue, and you try to remember if your dad was home last Christmas. You can’t remember clearly, but you’re pretty sure he was. Last year it had felt like Christmas a month or more before it came, but this year it’s as if the whole world has forgotten that that’s a thing that exists. Or maybe that’s just you, trying to not think about that either because you know you won’t have a tree, won’t have any presents from your dad, and he will most likely not be around. You don’t know why he isn’t around all the time anyways. You’re too afraid to ask him and too afraid to ask Kurloz. You know your dad is an asshole, you know he’s never been one to give hugs or loving smiles, you know he never once has told you that he loves you except maybe when you were a baby or something. But you also know that he never was as much of a remorseless asshole as he is right now. He did scare you at times with his booming voice, his rage fits and few slaps he gave you here and there when you got out of line, but you never thought he would just… stop caring. About you, about Kurloz, about your family as a whole and let it fall apart. Something must have triggered his behavior. But then again, maybe not. Maybe he did just plainly get tired of having to raise two kids that don’t have much of a future anyways all by himself.

 

You fall asleep and dream of forgotten memories of a place you used to call home even when you hadn’t learned to talk yet, soft and fresh snow being squished in your bare hands before being thrown at a tall woman with flowing black hair; the sound of a loud, grating laugh that one wouldn’t call graceful on a lady ringing in your ears. Dream of cold, cold weather that couldn’t compare with the harshest days of winter of the place you live in currently, the earthy smell of freshly brewed tea coming from a large cup that the woman is holding while she looks at you with a smile, one that vanishes when you feel your hair being pulled harshly and she yells ‘Kurloz, that’s your brother!’ while you start to cry.

 

You faintly hear a door being opened and your name being called, and then you feel a soft nudge that makes you realize you’re sleeping. You roll on the bed and squint your eyes to look at the person, and you see your brother standing next to your bed. Your room is bright with sunlight.

 

“What are you doing here?” He signs with his hands, looking both surprised and worried. “It’s 11 AM. You forgot to set your alarm, didn’t you?” He snorts. You groan and rub your eyes with your fingers, and soon sit up on the bed.

 

“Nah, bro. Just didn’t wanna go.” You say, scratching your head and yawning loudly.

 

“What’s going on?” You hear a voice approaching your room. “Gamzee!” You wave a hand at Meulin and feel like your room is getting kind of crowded.

 

“Why aren’t _you_ motherfuckers at school?” You say instead, raising both of your eyebrows with a smirk.

 

“Same reason.” He replies, and you shake your head.

 

“Weren’t expecting me to be here, huh? What were you all gonna do, fuck all over the damn place for fucking hours, being as loud as you could motherfucking be while I was out?” Meulin giggles when you finish speaking, and you can tell that you almost hit the nail on the head.

 

“Nonsense.” Kurloz signs, rolling his eyes. “Just on your bed. I was planning on using the purple pillowcase you stole from me to clean off my fucking cum.” You crinkle your nose and mutter an ‘ew’ before glancing at your pillow. Now, that would have been a nasty surprise.

 

“Sorry to ruin your plans.” You say as you get up from the bed, and you slip past them to get out of your room and head towards the kitchen. You notice Meulin following you.

 

“Gamzee.” You hear her behind you, but you only look at her when you reach the fridge and pull out a carton of milk.

 

“What’s up, Meowlin?” She licks her lips and looks behind her, trying to see if Kurloz was in hearing range by the looks of it.

 

“What’s wrong?” She decides on signing, and you’re caught off guard.

 

“What, why?” You say out loud, and you turn away from her to search for the cereal. You hear her click her tongue. You look at her.

 

“Come on, do you think I’m an idiot? What’s wrong?” She signs, insisting. You begin to serve yourself some cereal. You pour the milk inside the bowl and let your hands rest on the flat surface of the counter.

 

“Just not feeling too well.” You say in a low tone, looking at her. She tilts her head to the side and purses her lips.

 

“Did something bad happen?” She signs slowly, a frown growing on her face. You take a while to reply, and you use sign language to do so.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help you.” She looks worried now. She steps closer and puts a hand on your cheek to rub your clean skin with her thumb. You hesitate, think that you already have had enough with the issue. But it sure is tempting to get her opinion. It’s always nice to talk to her about your problems, probably because she is nice and smart and knows where it’s at. You wish you could be a bit like her.

 

“Okay.” You end up whispering, and you leave behind your cereal on the counter as you begin to walk back into your room, finding that Kurloz has left the spot with his pillowcase, leaving your pillow naked. You briefly think that that was a very childish thing to do, since you already drooled on it, claiming it as yours (at least until it got washed).

 

She sits on the bed as you close the door, and you sit on the floor by her feet to just rest your head on the mattress as you look up at her. Maybe she’d get the hint and play with your hair while you talk.

 

“Okay hun. Spit it out.” She says out loud, smiling. You take a few deep breaths before biting your lip.

 

“… I told Tavros.” Is all you say and just speaking those words out loud make your eyes itch and sting. “Fuck.” You mutter, rubbing your eyes and trying to not cry. It would just be annoying by this point. You hear her gasp.

 

“You did? And what did he say?” She sounds excited, but when you look at her you can tell that there’s also some regret in her eyes for asking that. You bet she can guess the answer pretty well.

 

“Said he done and don’t like me that way.” You shrug.

 

“Oh, Gamzee…” And the petting begins. She runs her fingers through your hair carefully, softly, scratching your scalp with her really long nails as she sighs. “It’s okay.” You lean into her touch and nod, and she sighs again almost exasperated. “I really thought you guys were onto something!” She says then, scratching just a bit harder for a second. “What were his exact words?” You lick your lips and try hard to think. You have been avoiding thinking about that conversation as much as possible, especially its details. But you have to think hard about it eventually. What better moment than right now in the company of a friend you trust maybe a bit too blindly with your thoughts? You make sure she can see your lips and begin to speak.

 

“He said something about it being wrong for us to be together or some shit and kept all going and apologizing. I don’t know.” You try to remember, but it’s so hazy now. “Bottom line is he don’t like me and also isn’t into dudes I guess.” You shrug again. She is quiet for a moment.

 

“When was this?”

 

“Friday. I went and spent the night at his house.” She nods, looking to the side. You’re pretty sure she knew that last part.

 

“Goddamn.” She exhales, looking disappointed. “I was beginning to think he liked you. Nepeta said he wouldn’t shut up about you when they were hanging out and you weren’t around.” You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

 

“That don’t mean nothin’, sister.” She presses her lips into a tight line and nods a little.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine.” You close your eyes and nuzzle against the mattress, feeling her nails travel your head softly, undoing a few knots. You stay like that for a while. Let her pet you and quietly comfort you while you play with her shoe laces and look at nothing in particular. You poke the faded pink paw designs on her sneakers. “He kissed me.” You say suddenly.

 

“Did you say something?” She stops petting you to tap your shoulder. She must have been looking at your face, but not paying enough attention. You look up at her and modulate your words well.

  
“He kissed me.” Her eyes widen and you can tell there are a million thoughts going through her mind at once. She opens her mouth then, but decides on signing.

 

“When? After he… well, told you you couldn’t be a thing?”

 

“Before.” You sign back, and she thinks for a moment.

 

“He said it was ‘wrong’ to be with you, right?” She signs and you nod slowly. “Well…” She nibbles on the inside of her cheek. “Maybe he’s… scared?”

 

“Scared? Of what?” You frown, speaking out loud. “Me?” the thought of him being afraid of you for whatever reason makes you feel uneasy.

 

“No, Gamzee.” She signs. “Well, yes, but not the way you’re probably thinking.” She pauses and you begin to bite your nails. “Maybe he hasn’t felt that way about guys before, or hasn’t come to terms with it yet… You know it’s not considered ‘normal’ for a guy to like other guys, it can be hard to accept that. Right? You should know how that feels.” She looks unsure. You don’t know what to tell her. Sure you know how that feels, you felt broken and like a freak up until Kurloz basically beat that idea out of your head forcefully when you were way younger. He had said he couldn’t accept the fact that you thought that way about yourself. Said you were fine. You told him you liked a guy from down the street with an ashamed look on your face and a few frustrated tears rolling down your cheeks and he gave you a legendary sermon that could have only been surpassed in severity and length by Karkat’s brother Kankri. He helped you overcome those feelings of inadequacy asking for nothing more in return than for you to go get that boy and snatch a kiss from him. You never really got to kiss his mouth, but you held hands and kissed cheeks enough before he moved away. Karkat and Meulin have also contributed to the sometimes unashamed way in which you think about your sexuality now, sometimes even forgetting some people think it’s wrong for you to be the way you are for whatever stupid and ridiculous reason.

 

“Maybe.” You end up saying, but you’re not sure what that has to do with his rejection. “what you getting’ at?”

 

“Just… don’t give up hope yet, Gamzee. Just give him time. I’m not saying it’s a sure thing, but he might just end up coming around.” Now you’re certain she’s just going overboard with this ‘cheering you up’ thing. What if he just simply doesn’t like you and that’s all there is to it? You would just get your heart broken in the end. Not like it’s not broken now. You think you might just hold on to hope for a while more. You’re more confused than before somehow. You grab her hand and hold on to it before starting to get up.

 

“Thanks Meulin.” You say and she stands up as well, pulling you into a hug immediately after.

 

“It’s gonna be alright, okay?” She says, letting you go and grabbing your cheeks. “Smile!” She tells you, and you do so just for her sake. “That’s it!” She pats your cheeks and giggles before standing on her tip toes and giving you a kiss on your forehead.

 

 

* * *

 

 

You’re just getting out of the bathroom when you hear your doorbell ring. It’s late in the afternoon and the yellowish light is filtering through the curtains by the door, and the living room feels too dark all of the sudden. You turn on the lights as you go, wiping your wet hands on your pants before opening the front door. You look down just as he looks up with wide eyes.

 

“Hi Gamzee.” It’s Tavros. You lick your lips and just stare at him for a moment too long.

 

“… Hey bro.” You say, your voice coming out a bit too quiet.

 

“Um… I brought you some notes, of the classes you missed. And, also a few worksheets, and stuff like that.” He looks to the floor for a second, and you finally move your body to let him in. You don’t say anything. You just go into the living room, hearing him trailing after you and close the door. You stop and turn around, nibbling on your lips carefully to rip out some dry skin. “Uh.” He says before taking off his backpack and leaving it on the floor. He crouches down and takes out a notebook, and he stands back up as he opens it. He flips through it for a moment, but then just decides to hand it to you. “I actually wrote everything in this notebook. Just check the last few pages. Oh.” He crouches again to take out the worksheets he had been taking about. “History. They have to be done by tomorrow.” You nod, taking those from him as well. You tuck them inside the messy notebook and let your hand drop to your side, holding on to it tightly. He is quiet after that. Quiet, and the room becomes filled with tension. It’s uncomfortable. You almost can’t breathe. You rub your clean cheek with your hand and scratch it.

 

“Thanks dude.” You say at last, and he looks up at you with a quick, small smile.

 

“Hey, um… How are you feeling? Are you sick?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Uh yeah. I mean no. No I ain’t sick.” You shrug. Great. More silence.

 

“Okay.” He looks down. Goddamn, you hate this. Hate how nervous he looks. Maybe Meulin was wrong. He’s afraid of _you_. If he even is scared of anything. You wonder if he considers you his friend anymore. Wonder if he will stop hanging out with you at school, hanging out with you at lunch, talking to you during class. The thought hurts so, so much. You speak before thinking.

 

“Do you hate me?” You say, and feel your face get hot from embarrassment. You sounded really pathetic back there. He looks at you with a frown as if he’s confused.

 

“W-what? No, no Gamzee, I don’t hate you.” He shakes his head furiously. “No.” He repeats, and you sigh deeply. He opens his mouth to speak, but takes a moment for the words to come out. “I actually… thought that maybe you, hated _me_ though.” He shrugs and laughs humorlessly, looking anywhere else but your eyes. “I’m really sorry.”

 

“I don’t hate you, brother. I don’t think I could all and get myself down to hating you even if I went and tried.” You huff out a laugh as well, not believing that he thought you could feel hatred towards him. He smiles, but looks kind of sad. He runs a hand through his Mohawk slowly.

 

“You… we can still be friends, you know? I mean, if you want to… It’s okay if you don’t want to, I understand.” He looks into your eyes and waits for you to reply, and you choke down an uncalled for whimper. Don’t you dare cry. Why are you so damn sensitive today? You rub your eyes for good measure until you feel the stinging in them disappearing and meet his eyes again. You swallow thickly when you notice he looks even sadder now and so, so guilty. You hope that’s not because he thought you were going to break down and cry like a kid. How embarrassing.

 

“Uh-” You swallow to avoid your voice from breaking again. “I’d really, really dig it if we could still be friends, motherfucker.” You say, trying to smile. He’s the one to give you an honest, relieved grin.

 

“Good. Good.” He nods and takes a few steps closer to you. He wants a hug. You step closer as well and surround him with your arms, leaning down to rest your chin on his shoulder. You breathe in deeply, then exhale. His grip on you is tight and so warm. You hadn’t realized you were cold. “You’re my best friend, Gamzee.” He whispers. You nod slowly and feel his hair tickle your face. He finally lets go of you and you feel a tear roll down your cheek that you try to catch immediately. He notices though.

 

“Ugh.” You groan and shake your head before laughing to try to give him the message that that wasn’t intended. Not that it matters. He giggles though, and picks up his backpack from the floor.

 

“I’ll, go home now before it gets dark.” He says, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe talk to you later over chat.” You walk him back to the front door and open it, feeling the cold breeze caress your face with its fresh scent.

 

“Aight.”

 

“Oh, I almost forgot.” He steps out of your house and turns around to face you. “Eridan invited you to his birthday party this Friday. Well, invited all of us. Uh… he would have probably told you tomorrow, if you went to school, but, okay.” You chuckle.

 

“Fucking sweet. You goin’?”

 

“Yeah. It could be fun.” He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets and starts to walk away. “Bye Gamzee.” You raise a hand and wave with a smile.

 

“See ya later motherfucker.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we might be exploring other POV's in the future to fill in with some side characters a bit, but MIGHT. This one was kind of short, I'm sorry :( next one will be up sooner than you think. Before you can say mothergrub!
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome dearies <3


	8. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we visit the good ol' mall yet again to do some shopping and drink some Starbucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is dumb as shit, forgive me. Let's just dive in Tavros' no homo inner conflicts as he tries to resist the clown's appeal, which is none

You rub your hands together on your lap as you try to warm them up, cursing winter as a whole. You can’t remember a time in which winter has been specifically rough in this place, or at least as intense as it is behaving right now. It’s as if it’s making up for its lateness seeing as this time last year you were already used to wearing ridiculously thick jackets and hats to everywhere you went.

 

You close your eyes as sigh deeply, feeling the chilly air start to fill your lungs to then escape your parted lips slowly in a white cloud.

 

You look to your side to see Gamzee attempt to swing yet again, his long legs making the task nearly impossible. You chuckle at his struggle and adjust your butt on your own swing, feeling the edges of it start to dig into your chubby hips. You know your ass is too big for these things since they are mostly intended for kids, but you ignore the pain for the sake of fun as you begin to swing your legs back and forth, mainly to make Gamzee jealous. You know he’s rather disappointed at his inability to get any enjoyment out of this children’s playground thanks to his size.

 

You see him give up and stand on his feet with a grunt to then grab his unicycle from the ground where he had left it a while ago. He holds it in place and gets on it carefully, and you bite your bottom lip worriedly. He already fell from the thing before he had decided on swinging, but the man can be really stubborn, just like you. He probably won’t stop fucking around with the thing until he gets the hang of it, or breaks an arm.

 

“Shit shit shit.” He mutters as he tries to keep his balance, but then he starts to ride the thing properly with a huge, proud grin on his face. You smile and giggle before giving him a thumbs up, and then you just watch him as he keeps on riding around the small playground.

 

You use your foot to stop your own swinging movement and just sit on the swing again, thinking.

 

 Thinking about Gamzee.

 

You wonder if he’s feeling alright. It’s already been a few days since you rejected him, but you still can’t shake away the feeling of pity that’s eating you inside. He has been quieter than ever before since then, and you know he’s probably hurting to some degree, but if he’s feeling unhappy he’s doing a damn good job at hiding it.

 

You look at your thighs, for a moment thinking about how unnerving it all is. You have been thinking so much about this issue that it’s beginning to annoy you, but you really can’t help it. You constantly think about how amazing it had felt to feel him against you, and about how it didn’t gross you out like it honestly _should_ have. You think you kind of want to do it again. The thought makes your stomach tighten. This is so weird. This is your best friend you’re thinking about, and a guy on top of it all. That goddamn kiss you had the brilliant idea of giving him has flipped a switch inside of you that has confirmed your worst nightmare.

 

A long time ago you had brushed it off as a phase, a misunderstanding.

 

Turns out the feelings towards your same gender that you started experiencing when you had also discovered girls were rather pretty were always a real thing. Turns out that it doesn’t matter how certain you are that it is wrong, how certain you are that it isn’t normal, how certain you are that it simply can’t be happening, that attraction towards your same gender that you had refused to accept for the sake of normality is still a real thing that you’re capable of feeling. And you feel broken. Defective, and like you just have let your father down in the worst way imaginable.

 

This shouldn’t be happening. You really should go back to ignoring that ridiculous issue. But you have already tried. Every time you meet Gamzee’s eyes it becomes incredibly obvious that you feel a certain attraction to him that is beginning to mortify you. You shouldn’t have touched him. You really want to do it again. You really are disgusting. You really don’t know if you’re starting to like him or just want to feel that excitement again, that exhilarating sensation of doing something you shouldn’t be doing but that feels partially right anyways.

 

You try to push every one of those thoughts away. Feel frustrated for having to ignore it, and you make a disgusted face. Just what are you going to do?

 

“You alright bro?” You lift your gaze and he looks concerned. “You done and look like you just went and tasted something nasty.”

 

“Oh, yeah, I’m okay.” You force a grin, which earns you one of his pretty smiles in return. You notice he’s about to run over a rock while he’s smiling like an absolute moron so you open your mouth to warn him. “Watch-!” The wheel gets caught and he falls forwards, hitting his forehead on the ground. “out...” You finish, and you stand up from the swing immediately. “Holy shit.”

 

“Fucking ouch.” He closes his eyes tightly and rolls to lie on his back. “Fuuuuuck.”

 

“Are you okay?” You kneel beside him and try to hold his head in your hands to slowly help him stand up.

 

“No, don’t!” He exclaims, and you let go of him too quickly. The back of his head hits the ground, but luckily he really wasn’t too far from it. He stills emits a grunt before chuckling.

 

“Sorry…”

 

“It’s alright.” You just look down at him and sigh. Glance at his unicycle to see if it’s in one piece. “Lemme just… rest here a little.”

 

“Okay.” You chuckle. You bring a hand to his head and poke softly at the area around the small bleeding wound on his forehead. It’s more of a scratch. “I wish I had some band aids…”

 

“Am I fucking bleeding?” He sounds alarmed. He touches his own forehead blindly, spreading some of his blood once he finally finds the sore spot. “Goddamn.” He stares at his red stained fingers before licking them clean. You think that’s a little gross since he probably also rubbed some face paint on them, and, well, he had touched the ground a second ago.

 

“Hold on.” You pull the sleeve of your hoodie over your hand and wipe the area carefully to get rid of the dirt and blood, and then press the cloth against it to put some pressure on it to stop it from bleeding any more.

 

“Motherfucking hell, I ain’t ever gonna get that shit to cooperate, will I?” He closes his eyes and groans, and you pull your hand away to discover that it actually did stop bleeding. You decide to put a hand on his head and start to pet him softly as you wait for him to feel better. “Fucking piece of shit.” You laugh at him because you really can’t help it. He sounds pretty pissed off. He opens his eyes slightly to look at you with a frown. “Yeah, real motherfucking funny.”

 

“Dude, you just have to keep practicing. It’s like learning to ride a bike. You always, fall at first, before actually learning to ride it. Well, it technically really is a bike, just with one wheel missing.”

 

“Never learned to ride a bike either.” You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

 

“No? How come?” You say and he begins to laugh softly.

 

“Kept on falling so I gave up.” He says. “… It just keeps happening.” You snort at the irony in that. You know damn well what reference he’s trying to make.

 

“I warned you, bro. I warned you about-” He pushes you away before you can finish and you fall back on your ass, but it’s fine because he’s laughing despite his frown and you’re laughing at his reaction.

 

“Fuck that joke.”

 

“You started it.”

 

“Fuck me then.” He breathes in to calm down his chuckles, and he begins to stand up slowly. “Aight.” He stretches with a grunt before beginning to pat his clothes to get rid of the dirt, and you help him dust off his back and butt. “You ready to go do your motherfucking late Christmas shopping and shit?” He picks up his unicycle and begins to walk towards the street and away from the playground, finally switching the rough dirt for the soft grass, and the grass for the cold concrete of the sidewalk. You don’t answer as you wait for the traffic light to change and let you cross the street. Your mind goes over the presents you need to buy. You always end up buying gifts at the last minute. You really should have gotten to this ages ago because everything’s probably going to be twice as expensive since Christmas Eve is around the corner, and the mall will be crowded with moody people in a hurry.  

 

Your train of thought is interrupted as you cross the street, and after a well two blocks of walking, the shopping mall finally comes to sight. You go through the parking lot where Gamzee had left the car an hour earlier right before he decided that checking out the park he had seen the other day would be a great idea before going inside the shopping mall. He leaves his unicycle inside the car before locking it again, and you soon go through the automatic large glass doors, the heat and an odd sweet smell of vanilla all but slapping you across the face. You see Christmas themed decorations everywhere you look, but the first thing that catches your attention is the ridiculously large Christmas tree that’s standing several meters from the entrance.

 

“Dude.” Gamzee chuckles as he makes his way towards the tree as if it is calling to him, and you trail after him, noticing as you get closer that there is an empty red chair with golden decorations that is surely meant for Santa to sit at. But the fat and jolly man is nowhere to be seen. He might be taking a lunch break or something.

 

You glance at Gamzee as he looks up at the giant sparkling star at the very top of the plastic tree that’s currently flashing a mixture of red, yellow, green and blue lights intermittently, and you catch him smiling.

 

“… How did they fucking get that shit up there?” He wonders out loud, and you glance towards a large nativity display right next to the tree made of clay with life sized characters and a tiny baby Jesus resting on a bed made of hay and fabric. “There’s no fucking way people managed to do that. That’s a pure and plain motherfucking miracle taking place right at the top of this huge ass motherfucker of a tree.” He looks at you with a fascinated grin and you just chuckle softy.

 

“Oh yeah, definitely.” You say, not wanting to shit on his strange conviction. He seems to be pretty happy with his own deduction.

 

You begin to walk away and Gamzee unglues himself from the impressive display to follow you quietly. You walk past a store that seems to be determined on selling only Christmas themed merchandise, and you stroll inside curiously.

 

“We should get some candies.” You say, stretching out a hand to grab a large bag of candy canes that are begging to be eaten.

 

“Fuck yes.” He says as he pats your shoulder, but he walks past you towards a variety of invitingly soft Santa hats. He chuckles as he picks one up and looks it over, and he turns to look at you before putting it on your own head. It’s a bit tight around your ears, but it’s bearable. “Tits.” He says before grabbing another one, and he puts it on to see if it fits.

 

“Nice.” You nod approvingly as you look him over. “Do you want it, maybe?” He looks taken aback for a second.

 

“Uh… If you don’t up and mind it, brother.”

 

“Not at all really. They’re not that expensive anyways, so I don’t really see why not, if you like them. Which you seem to do.” You shrug. He grins and takes off the hat to hand it to you, and you hold on to it as well as to your own to browse through the store for a while more, and you end up buying the hats, a plastic mistletoe and the candy.

 

You walk slowly by the many stores that are lined up one next to the other, featuring clothes, toys, CD’s, shoe wear, electronics  and jewelry among other things, distractedly sucking on a candy cane as Gamzee does the same. He’s swinging the shopping bag back and forth as he walks along and almost hits an older lady that gets too close. He doesn’t even notice.

 

“What’s first on your fucking list anyway?” He says with some trouble, talking with the thing still in his mouth.

 

“Um, I don’t know…” You say, thinking. “Maybe I should, get my mom something, like, perfume?” You bite your bottom lip, shrugging. Maybe you should have thought this through a bit more. What does she even like besides that? You can’t come up with anything, and it’s been a while since the last time you’ve seen her like to remember if she is into some new hobby or something. “What do you think?” You ask Gamzee. You look at him and see him frown slightly.

 

“I dunno… What do moms usually dig? Makeup? Um… clothes? Shit motherfucker, I really wouldn’t fucking know.” He laughs and shakes his head, and you feel pretty damn stupid for asking him even though it seemed like a harmless enough question when you had opened your mouth. He has never mentioned his mother, and you’re beginning to think that he simply doesn’t have one. You aren’t sure if you were rude or if he took offense in it. You’re probably overthinking.

 

“You know what, perfume is a good idea, I think. Now we just need, to find a store that sells that specific kind of thing.” You walk a little slower to look around with slightly squinted eyes, but Gamzee walks off to what seems to be a large and complicated map several feet away that you hadn’t noticed at first, and you go after him to get your answer. He lifts a hand and presses a finger against the plastic after only a moment.

 

“Here.” He says with a smile, and you don’t really check to see if he’s right before nodding and starting to walk towards the electric escalator to reach the second floor. You look around for a second before he points at the store you’re looking for, which is a large store with classy looking dim, yellowish lighting and pleasant modern decorations. You cover your nose with a frown as you get near the entrance of the place, your eyes going over the abundant sets of bottles neatly sitting inside a large display case out of reach as you walk by them. You see Gamzee go off to a tall display that holds used, half-filled bottles for the people to try them by themselves, and you follow him to get down to business. He grabs a light green bottle and brings the spray nozzle to his face carefully to smell it directly, which you think is just a little dangerous. You hope he doesn’t apply pressure on it by accident. You’re sure that would be a tragedy.

 

“Wow.” He mutters softly, putting the perfume down with a wrinkled nose and a deep frown. You guess it smells nasty. “White Fantasy” He reads the label of another transparent bottle with swirls on the glass and a lace around the nozzle to top off the attractive look. “Pretty.” He says with a smile before smelling it while looking at you. “I meant shitty.” He puts it down with a faked shiver and you chuckle.

 

“How about this one?” You pick up a dark blue bottle from the other side of the vertical display, which is intended for men. You sniff it, thinking that it isn’t all that great before he snatches it from you just as you’re putting it down. He sniffs it thoughtfully before doing it again for good measure, and he suddenly tilts his head to the side before spraying his neck. “Uh…” He looks at the bottle again and giggles.

 

“It’s pretty dope.” He smiles. “How do I smell?” He leans down a bit and it takes you a moment to realize that he wants you to smell his neck.

 

“Oh, um.” You get closer to him hesitantly, and he keeps his head tilted to the side before you let your nose linger over his skin. You can feel his body heat radiating from his flesh. It definitely smells way better on his skin, and you remember what your mother had told you about fragrances smelling different depending on the person’s skin. “Hey, that’s nice.” You step back with a nod, and he grins brightly before going through the bottles again curiously. You spot a dark brown squared bottle that looks emptier than the rest, a perfume that is only for men as well. You smell it once and come to the conclusion that it is absolutely great. You look at Gamzee before he takes that one from you as well, and he lifts his eyebrows before looking at you surprised when his nose touches the nozzle.

 

“Fucking hell, it smells fucking legit.” He says in awe. He goes to spray his neck again but you stop him.

 

“You’re going to, mix those scents. It’s going to become a weird clusterfuck of classy and manly fragrances, which is something that I’m sure, won’t be pleasant at all.” You laugh, and he gets closer to you instead.

 

“Show me your neck then.”

 

“What?”

 

“Come on, show me your fucking neck.” You don’t want to be sprayed with that thing no matter how good it smells. He’s biting his lips like he’s going to do it anyways even if you refuse to let him, so you decide to do as asked before he goes and sprays your face.

 

“Okay…” You tilt your head and you soon feel the cold moisture cover your tender skin. The smell lifts to your nose almost right away.

 

“Lemme see.” He says, bending down and holding on to your shoulder before barely pressing his nose against your skin. It tickles like hell and his breathing feels way too warm, and you squirm with a nervous laugh because it also feels really, really good.

 

“Stop!”

 

“Oooooh shit that’s nice.” He speaks still close to your skin. It causes a distinct shiver to go down your spine. You wonder if he felt that too when you smelled his neck, and the thought makes you anxious and forces you to push him away as gently as you can manage.

 

“Okay, time to find my mom’s present.” You chuckle, beginning to walk away and towards the register area, popping your neglected candy cane right back into your mouth.

 

There’s a young girl of about your age standing just a few feet away from you in the store’s navy blue uniform that catches your eye. She quickly approaches you with a light pink bottle in her hand as soon as you make eye contact, a forced smile painted across her dark face.

 

“Can I help you?” She says, her finger dangerously lingering over the perfume’s spray nozzle as if she is ready to spray anyone with the thing if they get close enough and are spacing out. It makes you nervous.

 

“Uh…”

 

“Motherfucker here is all up and getting to look for something nice for his momma.” Gamzee speaks for you, and you see the girl widen her eyes before giggling and clearing her throat.

 

“I see. Well, today is your lucky day, since ‘Shinning Spring’ by Marcos Dubó is on sale, and there is nothing like it. Here, you can test it out and prove it yourself.” She gently grabs Gamzee’s free hand instead of yours, and she sprays his wrist before he can even protest.

 

“Um…” You say.

 

“Go on.” She moves the bottle around in her hands, nodding at Gamzee with a face that is unmistakably suggesting that he should smell it right away. He does so after a brief moment, lifting his wrist to breathe in the fragrance, and drops his hand back down immediately. You see him try to suppress a laugh before shoving his wrist to your own face. You look up at him, then at the lady, and you take a careful sniff before gently pushing his hand away.

 

“Oh.” Is all you say, nodding. The girl looks to her sides and then over her shoulder, and she leans in just a bit before speaking through her teeth in a low tone.

 

“Smells like shit, doesn’t it?” You cover your mouth before you break out laughing, nodding in agreement. There is no denying that.

 

“Mother fuck sister, why you did you all and do that shit? Imma smell like a motherfucking grandma the rest of the fucking day.” Gamzee whines halfheartedly, probably not really caring all that much.

 

“Just doing my job. Boss says we need to get rid of these before Christmas Eve.” She says simply. “Can I offer you something else? ‘Black Passion’ isn’t all that bad, and it’s actually way cheaper than this crap.” She provides, slightly leaning in again to make sure she doesn’t speak too loud. You look up at Gamzee and you see him shrug with a smile.

 

“Okay…” You look back at her, and she goes behind the long display case to look through it and find the desired bottle, having to push past an older woman that is doing the same exact thing but with a much more sour expression on her face.

 

The girl is soon back in front of you both, and she grabs Gamzee’s other hand, making him switch the candy’s position to avoid it getting wet with perfume. You press your lips into a tight line, waiting. She sprays his wrist but doesn’t let go of his hand just yet.

 

“This one is my favorite.” She says and presses her nose against his wrist for a moment. She then let’s go of him, and Gamzee sniffs his own skin a few times before letting you do it. You hold his hand in place as you get your own nose close to the warm scent, and you hum approvingly before sniffing a few more times, barely letting your nose touch his skin. You look up at Gamzee with a smile, and you catch him biting his lips before looking away and focusing on the girl. You let go of him. “So?” She asks, smiling.

 

“It’s really nice. I think I’ll take it… I can’t be sure, if she will like it really, but she does like perfumes a lot so I guess she might like it, probably.” She nods with a grin and walks behind the counter once again, and she pulls out a new box from the glass shelf behind her before stuffing it inside a burgundy bag with the store’s logo and asking for your money. You pay her, and you soon have both the receipt and the bag in hand, and are ready to leave the obnoxiously sweet smelling place.

 

“Thank you.” You say, waving at her.

 

“Come back any time!” She replies, smiling at you and winking at Gamzee. You hear him chuckle as you walk away, and soon you’re free from the haunting cluster of scents.

 

“She’s nice.” Gamzee says, and you nod as you begin to walk towards another shop that catches your eye.

 

You stand in front of the shop’s large window of your desired store, and you look over all the newest PS3 game titles with wide, attentive eyes. “Hey there’s the blue motherfucker we had been all and playing the other day.” Gamzee points at a brand new copy of Sonic the Hedgehog. You snort and make a face, nodding.

 

“Yep. There he is.” You look right over that one, focusing on the games that are actually worth your time. “Oh, man!” You bend down just a little, pointing at a ‘Fiduspawn 2’ copy for the PS3. “I’ve wanted this game for ages. The first one was so cool!” You say, and you see him shift his feet to see what you’re pointing at from the corner of your eye, getting closer. You can smell the abundance of fragrances emanating from him and it almost makes you gag.

 

“Looks motherfucking sicknasty, bro.” He says, and peeks inside the shop through the door to look at some plushies that are hanging from one of the walls. There’s Sonic once again, all blue and deformed and fat. You straighten yourself up and sigh.

 

“I’ll buy it after Christmas, I think. I need to see if I have enough money left for such a thing, after getting the rest of the presents I need to buy, I mean.” You give the title one last longing look before beginning the hunt for a shop that might hold your father’s perfect gift.

 

“What a fucking shame, dude.”

 

You end up buying your father a few shirts of his favorite rock bands, since he is always trying to get you to listen to them and you know he’s really passionate about them. The shirts will surely go well with one of the only presents you had actually thought of buying in advance: A limited edition DVD of his favorite anime. You think it’s really cute that he still likes that stuff, and it also makes it way easier to buy him presents. You already know what he likes.

 

You find yourselves walking by the food court, and you take a look around to see where you could buy some decent coffee now that your candy is gone and your feet are getting sore from walking.

 

“Don’t you wanna go to the fucking restroom before that shit, bro? It’s right over there.” He points to an area not far from the food court, right by a sign that tells you the men’s restroom is to the left, and the ladies’ is to the right. You look at the sign for a moment before glancing back at him with a frown.

 

“… Why?”

 

“I dunno bro, just thought maybe you’d wanna go.” He licks his lips and shifts his weight, a hand darting up to rub the back of his neck. You look at him over with a confused and unsure smile.

 

“Well, yeah, I kind of do want to go, now that you mention it…” You really aren’t lying but you’re still weirded out.

 

“Aight. I’ll get my wait on for you right here.” He grins. You stare at him for a few seconds more before you hand him your bags and turn around to go inside the restroom, only looking back once to look at him. He waves at you for some reason, and you just mumble an “okay” to yourself while you find a urinal. You take your time. You wash your hands and check your reflection to fix your hair and make sure you look nice. Pull down your shirt a bit and straighten the thick jacket you’re wearing over it. Check your face for any new pimples you should be aware of asides from the one on your chin, look at yourself over again and sigh. You kind of wish you were just a little bit more attractive. You don’t consider yourself to be specifically ugly, but you don’t consider yourself to be specifically attractive either. You don’t know why you care. Last time you felt even remotely worried about your appearance you had just started dating Vriska.

 

You go back outside to stand where Gamzee should be at, and you look around to see if you can spot him. You don’t see him anywhere. He’s not against the wall near the bathroom, he’s not seating in any of the benches nearby, he is seriously nowhere to be seen. You frown slightly and begin to search for the clown with squinted eyes. He really shouldn’t be too hard to find since, for fuck’s sake, he most likely towers over everybody and has white and grey paint caked all over his face. He stands out more than the guy dressed like Santa that’s just making his way towards the electric escalator.

 

You turn around when you feel a light tap on your shoulder and you see Gamzee giving you a toothy smile, his breathing slightly heavier than before and a suspicious additional bag dangling from his right hand. You lift your eyebrows as you look at the bag.

 

“… What’s that?” You say, and he puts his hand behind his back to hide it from your sight.

 

“Nothin’.” He giggles.

 

“What is it?” You ask again, this time chuckling and trying to reach for it just to fuck around with him.

 

“Nothin’!” He repeats, his giggles becoming louder. You stop and bite your lips.

 

“Is it for me?” You take another look at the bag. It doesn’t really give away any information of what it might be since he apparently stuffed the Christmas hats inside the neon green bag as well.

 

“Nah, this shit’s for Kurloz.” He says as he rubs his nose for a second with the back of his hand, risking ruining his paint. You nod skeptically.

 

“Alright then.” You take half of the bags from him and walk towards another map of the entire shopping mall to see if there’s anything fun you both could do before eating something. He stands beside you as you scan the map calmly, your index finger gliding over the cold plastic as you murmur the names of the stores, and he pulls your sleeve softly to get your attention after a while.

 

“Check that out, brother.” He says, his stare is fixed on a photo booth not far from where you’re standing. “Wanna get some pics and shit? Always kinda wanted to get one of those thingies. They look fucking legit and shit.” He chuckles softly, but starts walking towards it before you can reply.

 

You stand near the large photo booth as you wait for the people that are inside it to get out, hearing some laughter filtering through the red curtain that’s separating them from you. Once the cute couple take their pictures and leave with silly grins and loud giggles, you get closer to the machine to inspect the interior curiously for a second. You’ve never been near one of these things before. Gamzee gets inside the crowded space first, and you go in right after him after popping a few dollars in the slot. You scoot as close as you can to make sure you both appear on the pictures, and you look at the bright screen right in front of you that asks you to choose a frame, which is really only a mere tiny decoration right above the actual string of pictures on a blank space as far as you can tell. You choose a corny “best friends” themed frame since there really isn’t really much to choose from, and Gamzee giggles as he waits for you to start the thing.

 

A timer lets you know the number of seconds you have to make a ridiculous face, so you grin as wide as you can and wrinkle your nose, noticing Gamzee doing the same exact thing to match. You laugh at how dumb that will probably turn out looking, and he looks at you with a stupid grin.

 

He flips off the camera for the next creative pose, pouting his lips a bit to make a silly duck face. You put on the most badass looking face you can muster before flipping off the camera as well, and the shutter goes off with a click. You stick your tongue out and cross your eyes, and you really can’t see whatever Gamzee is doing before the flash lights up your face. You’re out of ideas for the last picture, but Gamzee wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses your cheeks together with the tightness of his hug, and then grins naturally at the camera while you start to chuckle. He smells like manliness and grandmas, added to his now faint natural scent that you honestly prefer.

 

The screen lets you know that you have to get out to get your pictures, and you wait impatiently outside for them to come out. You snatch the first strip that slides out of the slot, and you look at the pictures while Gamzee grabs his own.

 

“Oh God, I look terrible in this one.” You say as you shake your head, mostly just kidding. You had intended to look terrible.

 

“You really fucking do.” He agrees, but winks at you when you give him a fake angry glare. “I really dig the last one.” He says before stuffing the picture strip inside the mysterious bag he’s still holding onto. You put it away safely as well after nodding slowly.

 

“It’s nice.” You say, and you suddenly realize that getting pictures like those dangerously resembles ‘date activities’. You clear your throat and feel your face heat up a little. What else would you be doing if you were to go on a date with him? You glance at him and notice that he has been staring at you, and he immediately looks away as if he wanted to pretend that that’s not what he had been actually doing. “Do you want to maybe, get some coffee now or something?” You ask to break the short silence, talking over a pair of loud girls that are excitedly getting inside the photo booth. He presses his lips into a tight line.

 

“Chocolate for me ‘cause I don’t all and really dig coffee all that much. Sorta tastes like motherfucking cigarette ashes or somethin’, don’t know why Karkat drinks so much of the shit.”

 

“Because it’s actually good?” You say, beginning the walk back to the food court.

 

“Chocolate’s still way better.” He argues back with a chuckle, and you feel like he actually has a point.  Nothing can beat chocolate, or at least that’s what everyone says.

 

“Whatever you say.” You reply distractedly as you spot a rather crowded Starbucks and step inside.

 

You get in line to get your much awaited treats, hoping for the best. The queue doesn’t seem to be getting shorter at a quick enough speed and you can feel the growing irritation in some of the costumers.

 

“What did you buy for your brother anways?” You try to make small talk as you wait with Gamzee, and he focuses on your face after apparently having snapped out of a spacing out session. “I mean, asides from whatever is inside that bag you’re now carrying around.” You point at it for good measure.

 

“Just some stuff.” He says. “I went and bought him some motherfucking weed and a fuckton of candies. I also bought Meulin a cute as fuck stuffed kittycat that she told me she really fucking wanted, and a purple dildo.” If you had been drinking anything you would have thrown the contents of your mouth at the lady waiting right in front of you. You look at her anyways to see her start to turn her face around towards you with an expression that is a mixture of horror and embarrassment.

 

“Nice Christmas present…” You huff out a nervous laugh, glancing at the lady. The older guy in front of her shifts his weight and tries to look back as well, apparently trying to not be so obvious about it.

 

“Yeah. Getting Meulin’s was a pain in the motherfucking ass though, the chick took nearly half an hour deciding what she wanted me to buy her. Plus the cashier almost kicked out our asses from the store for having a dildo fight, man, you should have seen those motherfuckers, they were huge as they can motherfucking get. I honestly all and doubt any dude has a dick that huge. How can people even fit those monstrous motherfuckers up their asses?” He squints his eyes in thought and you feel the urge to tell him to seriously lower his voice because it really is crowded, and you can hear a pair of girls trying to not burst out laughing.

 

“Wow, okay.”

 

“There were some hilariously ugly ass sex dolls all propped up against the wall for people to look at, bitches all and looked like they belonged in the most mirthful of freak shows. I ain’t never been to that kinda shop before so I don’t fucking know what I was expecting, but there was some really motherfucking fucked up shit in there.” He mock shivers.

 

“Oh my God.” You begin to chuckle but it turns into full blown laughter almost immediately. “Gamzee, what the fuck?”

 

“What?” He begins to laugh too, apparently not getting that the topic is weird to say the least.

 

“Did she really tell you, that that’s what she wanted for Christmas?”

 

“Uh, yeah.” He shrugs. “She was scared as fuck to go in there by herself anyways but I didn’t all and see why the fuck she would be asides from the fact that the dude that works there is freaky as shit.” He says.

 

“I see.” You nod, taking a few steps forwards as the line advances. He looks over the names of the drinks and sighs lightly. You keep a smile on your face as you just stare at him, and the thought that he is probably the weirdest friend you have ever had crosses your mind. You think that that’s probably one of the reasons why you like him. For being weird and funny and sweet and a bunch of other things you find yourself really appreciating. You feel lucky for getting the chance to be his friend. You feel lucky that your friendship hasn’t suffered nearly as much as you had honestly expected after learning that he feels a certain way about you. Last time you had been in this sort of situation it had been too awkward like to continue being their friend. You bite your lip and continue watching him lust after the various desserts Starbucks has to offer.

 

You would feel really, really sad if he were to stop being your friend, and it’s not only because he is really great at this friendship thing. You would be sad about losing him because he’s one of the greatest things that has ever happened to you and you don’t want him to be anywhere else that isn’t by your side, even if it means having to endure sporadic uncomfortable situations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism really helps, let me know what you think! Your opinion is important.
> 
> Next one will be the fishman's partyyyyy woooooo *lies down on the floor because I don't know how parties work and this is going to be painful*


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